“Squeaky” clean

This is America. Land of opportunity —- and second chances.

Quarterback Michael “Who let the dog’s out” Vick is getting another shot at redemption by signing with the Philadelphia Eagles.

So how about good ol’ Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme, the Manson family follower who spent 34 years behind bars for taking a shot at President Gerald Ford in the 1970s?

What career opportunities for this sociopath could be waiting for her?

Last week in one of his monologues, David Letterman mentioned a few jobs that are open to the Squeakster (Paula Abdul’s panel judge on “American Idol.”)

Here are a few other opportunities that could come her way:

1. Running Obama’s death panel.

2. Cover girl for the NRA.

3. Hired to find the bloody knife so she can clear O.J.’s name.

4. Nanny for the Octomom’s kids.

5. Fill in for Kelly Ripa when she goes on vacation (or maternity leave) every weekday morning on “Live with Regis and Squeaky Lee.”

6. Become campaign manager for unhinged GOP Minnesota Congresswoman Michele “They’re Coming to Get Us!” Bachmann if God tells her to run for president in 2012.

7. Become a backup singer for Marilyn Manson.

8. Get her own reality TV show where each week audiences can interact to see if she’s really succeeding at become “less squeaky.”

9. Help Fox News discredit former Homeland Security head Tom Ridge — whose new book hints at the Bush administration’s misuse of power by using the terror threat for political purposes.

How will she discredit Ridge? Go on with Glenn “Goebbels” Beck (there’s a kindred spirit there) and convince Fox News listeners she had conjugal visits with him.

10. To help boost ratings, she takes the job as the nosy neighbor of Jon and Kate.

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One Response to “Squeaky” clean

  1. MJP says:

    11. Be the copy editor (and psychologist) for someone who needs both bad: John Bruno.

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