Cutting through the chaos

The South can't get over losing the Civil War.

The defeat transcends generations way down yonder.

That Mason-Dixon line hasn't been able to think straight since 1865.

Cue that weepy woman in Arkansassy last week at that Obamacare death squad town hall meeting.

The one who cried, "I want my country back."

Cry-baby cracker.

Your country.

Your country would have a majority of adults with a third-grade education, missing teeth in their heads, and deep-seeded hatred for the rest of the nation that's changing for the better.

Diversity is a word you know better as segregation.

First the first black man is elected president.

OMG!

Then a Latina is selected to the Supreme Court.

Where's my damn hood!

And that white trash Southern traitor Bubba goes to North Korea and rescues two Asian-American chicks.

More gasoline on that fire! That cross ain't ignitin' fast enuff!

The Southern lawmakers have taken control of the Republican Party and are spewing enough hate to resurrect ol' Jefferson Davis from his dirt nap.

This isn't 1961, the year change came to America in the form of the first Roman Catholic president (murdered in the South).

This is more like 1861, when secession exploded because of slavery.

It's like they want another Civil War.

Another shot at the glory that eluded them.

They might get it. The stars are aligned. The Great Lie has made it from Berlin in the 1930s to America in 2009.

But because they have simple minds they won't remember the phrase, "Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it."

Speaking of hating Obama, he had a controlled (if not patrolled) town hall meeting about his health care plan in New Hampshire on Tuesday.

Here are some true or false question that Obamacare didn't address:

1. True or false: Obamacare will have a death panel and it will be run something like "American Idol."

Answer: True. So old people better be prepared to show that how much of a fossil you get to be, you can still show America you've got talent.

And none of this karaoke horse-puckey. You better learn to live and breathe hip-hop.

When you get voted off the show ---- you really get voted off the show.

2. True or false: The government created the swine flu epidemic so that Obama's health care plan could pass.

Answer: True. Change you can believe in was just a code-phrase for thinning out the herd.

And who is most likely to perish from the swine flue ----- that's right, your grammy.

3. True or false: Obamacare means forced sex changes.

Answer: False. There are enough male Democrats out there who are you know what without having their you know whats you know what.

4. True or false: Obamacare is un-American.

Answer: True. The great, big insurance companies wouldn't lie to you, would they?

What, do you think they're just out to make more money for themselves and Big Pharma without ever once thinking of you?

The big insurance companies that give thousands --- if not millions --- of dollars to Democrats and Republicans to get them elected to make sure they vote to keep them the only option you have when and if you or someone you know is sick.



5. True or false: Mama was right.

Answer: True. Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident and have to go to the hospital.

Or when you get that health insurance bill that'll make you say what you'd do if you ever did get in an accident.

Turn your head and cough, sports fans