Let’s make Dick Cheney happy

Former Vice President Dick Cheney is not a happy camper. He’s not a happy hunter either —- but that’s another story for another day.

The poor guy’s out there on his own trying to protect his legacy, which is not always the same thing as protecting the Bush administration’s legacy.

He’s angrier than most uninformed protesters at an anti-Obamacare town hall meeting.

Angrier than usual, as a matter of fact. Even more reason to be glad his hand’s not near the switch —since his admission lately that he would’ve bomb-bomb-bomb- bombed-bombed Iran.

So what can we do to make life happier for the Dickmeister?

We owe it to the man who was the sole protector of our country after 9-11.

Never mind that 9-11 happened on his watch, reminding him of that forgettable little detail just ticks him off more. And how many ticks does he have left in that Tin Man’s ticker?

So here are five things we can all do to help make Mr. Cheney’s life a little happier.

Wouldn’t we all want to see him change that snear to a smile?

1. Take him to a KFC and buy him one of those new bacon and cheese sandwiches that replaces bread with two pieces of fried chicken. (Wait. That’s something we can do to make us all happier.)

2. Start a magazine called “Popular Fanatics” and let his gnarly face grace the cover of the first issue.

3. Start a grassroots movement backing his daughter Liz for a seat in the House of Representatives using the hip-hop slogan “Let’s put Lizzy in the Hizzy.”

4. Get a petition prepared before the next Olympics to help make waterboarding an event.

5. Write a song about him — just the way he is. The more Darth Vadarish, the better. He’ll love it.

So here’s the ditty “The Cheney is a Jerk.” Sung to the tune Frank Sinatra made famous, “The Lady is a Tramp”:

“He hasn’t been happy since we’ve been attacked.

He tells it like it is and doesn’t use tact.

He plays fast and loose with all of the facts.

That’s why this Cheney is a jerk.

“Won’t go on TV, unless it’s on Fox.

Doesn’t like anything Jewish ‘cept bagels and lox.

Got no time for people who think outside the box.

That’s why this Cheney is a jerk.

“He likes to torture Muslims for sport,

then cover up the report —-

that’s sick ….. but that’s Dick.

“Hates humanity you can tell by that smirk.

That’s why this Cheney …..

That’s why this Cheney …..

That’s why this Cheney is a jerk.”

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13 Responses to Let’s make Dick Cheney happy

  1. Bucky says:

    Here’s the winning ticket:

    CHENEY/PALIN in 2012


  3. MJP says:

    Angrier than Hillary Shrillary? Angrier than Pelosi and Reid? Angrier than Revered Wright? Angrier than Sheehan’s protests of Bush at the ranch?

    Liberals are the funniest dudes. They are the mean-spirited, race-baiting, call-people-names-instead-of-debate-the-facts, type-A whack jobs but if some conservatives express outrage, they are mocked.

    Why is that guru Bruno??

  4. Bucky says:

    As a liberal person who actually _works_ for a living, I take exception at being characterized by Dr. MJP as a “Type-A whack job”.

    According to more reliable sources in psychological assessment than our beloved Dr. MJP, Type-A personalities are:

    “often high-achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about delays.”

    I am not a Type-A.

    Yours Truly,

    Whack-job Bucky

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