George W. Bush, motivational speaker.
That’s like saying Rush Limbaugh, a study in humility.
But there was W. on Monday in Fort Worth, Texas, speaking at a business seminar called “Get motivated.”
Take it from W. when it comes to running a business. He was once owner of the Texas Rangers baseball team and made millions for himself in land grabs, shady dealings and allegations of insider trading. Plus he traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
And we all know how he ran the country, into the ground. The man knows the economy like a fish knows riding a Harley.
Be that as it may, W. is back in the spotlight. Which is always good news for late-night comics. His best attribute was and will always be he’s the ultimate punchline.
So in that sense, the former president motivates others to make money. If only to further the careers of those in stand-up and as impersonators.
The press was not allowed to cover any part of the motivational speaking event, which also featured Hall of Fame Steelers Quarterback Terry Bradshaw, former Secretary of State Colin Powell, and Rudy 9-11.
One can almost imaging what some people were thinking during and after W. conducted his business at the seminar:
1. “Isn’t this the same guy who couldn’t get motivated when he was the leader of the free world?”
2. “When we gonna see Balloon Boy?”
3. “I liked when he said, ‘I’m the motivater who motivates with the motive to be motivational.’ “
4. “If those Northwest Airline pilots were listening to this on tape I couldn’t blame them for dozing off.”
5. “Until now, I didn’t think anyone could be more of a goober than Terry Bradshaw.”
6. “It was scarier than ‘Paranormal Activity.’ “
7. “The only thing I was motivated to do was to say ‘nuke-u-lure.’ “
8. “He was doing great until someone gave him the book “My Pet Goat” to read and then he got that deer-caught-in-the-headlights look on his face.”
9. “I thought this was going to be a good place to pick up chicks —— obviously I took a wrong turn looking for the Bill Clinton motivational seminar.”
10. “I was impressed. I think the former president has finally put to rest that he’s smarter than a fifth-grader.”
Jabba got punk’d
Heads must be rolling in the research department at Jabba the Butt Limbaugh headquarters.
Shocking. Not that heads would be rolling. But that Jabba actually takes time to research something before he sticks one of his fat hooves in his big fat mouth.
Why check facts when you make up your own? Jabba don’t need to check no steenkin’ facts.
Case in point: Last week the blowhard bellowed what he thought was something factual about President Obama hating the United States and the Constitution.
That’ll teach you to think, Jabba.
Well, the smoking gun the fat bozo believed he had in his grasp turned out to be a hoax.
Obama’s faux thesis at Columbia University dissing the founding fathers and the Constitution was a prank, put online in August as a satire.
The joke’s on you, Jabba.
Before he realized he got punk’d, Jabba tore the president a new one, ripping him for hating on America.
The concocted thesis had Obama saying the Constitution is flawed, as well as mumbo-jumbo about the redistribution of wealth.
Jabba picked it apart like it was a whole Thanksgiving turkey all to himself. The Giant Mouth Sore swallowed it.
What a tool.
So what did this Paragon of Paranoia, this Behemoth of Bullcrap do once he was faced with the fact he’d been punk’d?
What he always does —— can’t admit that he was wrong. Or apologize for leading his listeners astray ( no need —- that’s what he’s paid to do anyway.)
So how does he cover up the egg on his face? By feeding his Butt-pluggers rotten omlettes.
There’s truth in satire, Jabba belched on air. “That’s how Obama would think.”
Wrong, oxycontin breath. But thanks for playing the game anyway. Big Pharma, tell the pillhead what he’s won…..
Jabba, next time you believe you have a smoking gun, it might help with whatever credibility you have with actual thinking people that you don’t shoot yourself in the foot with it.
It’s already the embodiment of an American tragedy that you’re getting paid way too much money to keep shooting your mouth off.