Super Dave

David Letterman conducted sexual favors in his love den?

Letterman. The guy who looks like a cross between Mad magazine's Alfred E. Neuman and Big Bird.

As Dave used to say on his old TV show in the 1980s, "My, oh my, having some fun now."

The guy accused of trying to extort $2 million dollars from the late night talk show host accused Letterman of doing "awful things" with female staffers from some sort of a love nest.

Like Charles Foster Kane, subject of a screaming headline in a competitive newspaper in the movie "Citizen Kane": "Candidate Kane caught in Love Nest."

Citizen Dave, meanwhile, hasn't attacked the subject matter in his monologue or Top Ten List like he would any other victim of circumstance caught in a similar situation.

The thing about comedy, whether on late night or in prime time, is to find scathing humor when someone of importance is caught in dubious newsmaking.

Jay Leno, the biggest butt kisser in the business, weighed in on Dave's Dilemma right away in one of his monologues. But it was with kid gloves.

Honor among joke thieves.

Dave might not ever do a Top Ten List on Lettermangate, but that doesnt mean one can't be done.

The Top Ten bombshells in the David Letterman extortion scandal:

10. Dave lobbied nationwide for the ultimate Stupid Human Trick.

9. What can we say, women are putty in the hands of 60-something dudes who have had bypass surgery.

8. Wanted to compete with Regis Philbin's harem of Polident primadonnas.

7. It's payback time for Dave's blasphemous joke's about Palin's daughters.

6. Planned to star in a new TV reality show: "Dave and Kate Plus Eight of her BFFs."

5. Love den more convenient than hiking the Old Appalachian Trail; cheaper than flying to Argentina on the government's dime.

4. Wanted to grow old disgracefully.

3. Never failed to get laughs when saying "Women on my staff."

2.Picked up the torch passed byBill Clinton.

And the Numer One bombshell in the David Letterman extorion scandal:

Always wanted to come off creepier than Roman Polanski.