Say it ain’t so, O

More breaking news about the H1N1 vaccine? Are there enough votes for the health care plan? What’s the latest about whether more troops will be sent to Afghanistan and when?

No, these stories didn’t lead the TV cable news. It was Oprah announcing that she’s leaving her show in September 2011.

The Goddess of Gab grabbed the headlines away from “Death Panels” Palin, who dominated the week with her Magical Herstory Tour.

The Estrogen Emperess of Entertainment got her highest ratings in two years with the Palin appearance earlier in the week. By the week’s end, the Big O buried the Palin phenomenon and grabbed that media attention with news that shook the world.

Palin is not now, nor will she ever be, in Oprah’s league. Palin’s still in the minors. Call it a Bush league.

Oprah’s planned date of leaving in September 2011 is perfect timing — that’s when her final payment is due on the purchasing of America.

So millions of women —- and two men —- won’t know how to run their lives, how to think, what to be force-fed when it comes to which books they should read.

Oprah said she did a lot of praying over the decision to hang up the show. Oprah praying to God is redundant, isn’t it?

There’s a lot of —– and going to continue to be —- deifying of the Goddess of Gab.

She’s got her own network but she still can’t see around corners.

In any event, 2011 will only be the beginning for the Big O.

We could see 24 hours of Oprah everything. Oprah in a sitcom. Oprah in a drama. Oprah hosting a variety show. Oprah performing the sermonette.

Or maybe by 2011 she won’t be satisfied until she gets Leno’s 10 p.m. time slot.

Dream Ticket 2012

A more frightening thought than the world actually coming to an end in 2012: The Republican Party ticket of Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck for president and vice president. If this would turn out to be a reality, we’d be praying the Mayan calendar was right about Dec. 21, 2012.

“Death Panels” Palin, while on her whirlwind-will-this-never-end book signing and saying nothing new Magical Herstory Tour, actually said “I have deep respect for Glenn Beck.”

Just when you thought Palin couldn’t prove to be more of a numbskull.

Think of it, though. Palin and Beck …. whatever could their campaign buttons and posters say…..

1. Wink and Missing Link

2. Moose and Squirrely

3. Doesn’t Read and Nose Bleed

4. Nuts and Putz

5. Hockey Mom and Hockey Puck

The gruesome twosome are better suited for TV.

Reality TV would be ideal. A sitcom even better.

Or how about a cartoon show, since the two are excellent caricatures of themselves anyway?

Presenting an updated version of “The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show” with Palin as Rocky and Beck as Bullwinkle.

President Obama and first lady Michelle would of course play Boris and Natasha since the two of them are Muslim-communist-Nazis anyway.

The big difference in this version is that Fearless Leader — played, naturally, by Dick Cheney — is the overlord of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Fearless Leader: “Moose and Squirrel, you must defeat Boris and Natasha and re-implement my plan to regain my stranglehold as Puppet Masterso America can once again be stupid. Remember, when America thinks, everything just plain stinks!”

There will also be a “Fractured Fairy Tale” segment with former Miss California Carrie Prejean featured in “Snow White Chick and the Seven Dorks attend a Tea Party.”

In this tale, Carrie tries to change the title to get the word fairy eliminated while waiting to be saved by Prince Donald in the land of Opposite Marriage.

Meanwhile, the Seven Dorks (Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Sean Insanity, Baba O’Reilly, Rudy 9-11, Michele “They’re coming to take me away” Bachmann, and John “Bad Tan” Boehner) show up at the wrong rally and instead attend a gay parade and are introduced to another form of “tea-bagging.”

But all ends well when Dick Armey and his militia rescue the Dorks before they are forced to all dress like Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz” and sing “Whistle while you jerk.”
And no “Rocky and Bullwinkle” would be complete without that aside they always did inbetween segments — when Bullwinkle thinks he could perform magic.

Only this time….

Bullwinkle: “Hey, Rocky, watch me pull my head out of my ass.”

Rocky: “Again? That never works….”

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