Pardons, anyone?

Republicans are so soft on crime.

The Law and Order Party got busted when news broke that when former presidential candidate Mike Huckabee was governor of Arkansas he commuted the sentences or pardoned at least 1,033 criminals.

Turns out that one of those pardons was for Maurice Clemmons, the suspect in the slaying of four police officers in Seattle over the weekend.

So Huckabee was a true compassionate conservative.

Ooops. There goes a run for the presidency in 2012. Too bad, of all the Republican candidates for president in 2008, Huckabee was the best of the lot. Just wasn’t his turn. The GOP opted for John McCain because he wasn’t impulsive and wasn’t prone to make bad decisions.

Oops. Sarah Palin.

What is it with these Mikeys? The Democratic Party’s worse-ever choice to run for president, Mike Dukakis, was labeled soft on crime when he ran against Daddy Bush in 1988. That Mikey pardoned one Willie Horton, who went on to get arrested for raping a woman.

The GOP had a gift that kept on giving with that one (though in retrospect, Dukakis was doomed after appearing in that political ad showing him riding around in a tank.)

First and foremost, it’s no loss to the world that Clemmons was shot dead by police, ending a massive two-day manhunt.

As for the GOP, what comes around goes around.

What if Huckabee had been successful and won the presidency?

Water under the bridge, the GOP would say.

By the way, Huckabee has his own weekly show on the Fox Noose network. Does this mean he’ll be fired? That would mean Fox is fessing up to a mistake. And since they never check facts, they’re never wrong.

Funny thing, Fox Noose didn’t see this as that big of a news story. Nary a mention. Buried on their Web site as well.

They probably just wanted to be fair and balanced.

And if this pardon of Clemmons had been the act of a Democratic governor?

Fox Noose Minister of Propaganda Glenn “Goebbels” Beck would’ve rounded up his followers, ye ole merry Beckerwoods, and probably ordered more tea-bagging.
Wait! Huckabee was the former governor of Arkansas.

So was Bill Clinton.

And Bubba pardoned criminals, too (some 436 or so.)

That was at least eight years before Huckabee was governor, but that’s fodder enough for the father of fecal fodder, Jabba the Butt Limbaugh.

Since The Butt can make his small-brained lemmings, the Butt-Plugs, believe anything, he could successfully pin this one on Bubba and the “Democrat” Party.

He’d belch something like, “Clinton started this whole commuting sentences of killers in Arkansas. Friends, this is a Democrat thing. Michael Do CaCa of Massachoose-same-sex-marriage did it first with Willie Horton. I don’t know what Huckabee was thinking, but all will be forgiven once he comes groveling to me. I’m in a giving mood, friends. I’m granting absolution this week.”

It would be poetic justice if many of those criminals who got pardons or sentences commuted by Mikey admitted they had tattoos on their arms that said “I (heart) Huckabee.”

“RSVP not needed”

That poor attention-hungry couple who crashed the White House State Dinner. They’re speaking to the news media and saying that their “lives have been destroyed.”

But dammit, they were ready for their close up with Joe Biden, Mr. DeMille.

Why else would you crash a White House event if you didn’t want your life destroyed?

You’re swimming in a tank full of media sharks with a bloody nose, Chief Brody.

Crashing the White House State Dinner means never having to say you’re a Salahi.

That Virginia couple, Tareq and Michaele Salahi, have got to get a reality TV show with that dad who said his kid was in a balloon.

Each week they could audition narcissistic Americans who are willing to do anything outrageous to geton TVand make a name for themselves because the news media thinks their stories are “sexy” (and they don’t have to discuss important issues they don’t understand, like health care reform and sending more troops into Afghanistan.)

The Mrs., who has all the qualities of starring on “Cougar Town,” has been trying to land a role on the reality TV show “The Real Housewives on D.C.”

And the couple already got to be interviewed by TV News ghoul Larry King.

So what are you waiting for, network execs?

Get them while they’re hot. They’re perfect for prime time, they think they’re cool, they have nothing to offer, and they have no discernable talent.

As for the Secret Service, who is supposed to protect the president, what, are you guys offspring of the agents who were supposed to have been protecting President Kennedy in Dallas in November 1963?

OK, so the Salahis weren’t a clear and present danger to President Obama, having gone through, uh, security. They probably even had to take their shoes off.

But this could be viewed in dangerous circles —- at home and abroad —– as easy access.

Last month, long before the Salahis went to dinner, I flew back East on vacation.

I remember telling people on vacation and then back at work that I noticed how lax the security had become at the airports (which shall remain nameless.)

Are we getting more comfortable, less fearful of terrorists because the fear-mongering of the Bush and Cheney presidency is thankfully over?

Better to think like that than how Cheney does, that we’re weaker and ultimately less secure with Obama in charge. Therefore, why bother?

At a state dinner where Cheney attended, attention-hungry uninvited guests —- no matter how unthreatening the couple —- would’ve been waterboarded.

Cheney would enjoy that with farva beans and a nice Cianti.

You’d never catch the Salahis sneaking in uninvited at Cheney’s undisclosed location.

Hey, that could be the ultimate goal of the Salahis each week on their reality TV show.

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