Tigergate

The Tiger Woods as philanderer scandal is this century’s Watergate.

A foiled burglary at the Watergate Hotel in 1972 led to the resignation of a law and order president who was guilty of covering up high crimes and misdemeanors, and who went to his grave believing he was above suspicion because he was the leader of the free world.

The news media created the clean-cut All-American image for Tiger Woods and he went with it. And he was well-embursed by Madison Avenue —- the country’s true Evil Empire.

A single inept burglary resulted in Richard Nixon becoming the only president to resign.

What brought Tiger Woods down? A fire hydrant. Which led to Tiger getting in a minor accident, which escalated to the uncovering of the greatest scandal the sports and entertainment (and, oh yes, the news) media has seen since, well, Watergate.

At least that’s how it’s being played out on TV sports, entertainment and nightly cable news.

And was it the prestigious Washington Post —- a 21st century Woodward and Bernstein who broke the Tiger Woods harem scandal? No, it was the National Inquirer.

The National Inquirer — the scourge of professional journalism. The newspaper that is such an epitome of yellow journalism it makes the New York Post seem like the, well, New York Times.

“Legitimate” newspapers and TV cable news networks letting the Inquirer do their job for them makes sense in this day and age —- since there’s a new generation who say they get their news from “The Daily Show.”

There’s always something rotten behind something that looks untouchable —- and the media, in any form it presents itself, will sniff it out until it can hopefully be the first to let the world in on what stinks.

The only lesson the world of journalism has taken from the Watergate scandal is to not let something that appears underhanded go without also getting a grip on it.

Tiger Woods’ scandal is the great American Tragedy. The guy with the boy-next-door image is really a peeping Tom.

The family man who lived a double life as a philanderer. So many women, so little time — so let’s get on with it. Or, let’s get it on.

And the women he’s been known to keep company with —- all with a different story to tell and the media with ears the size of Dumbo to listen.

The number of women involved with Tiger varies.

You tend to question the ones who say they didn’t know Tiger was married. Bull-puckey. Any gold-digger worth her boob job would know everything she needed to know about the world’s most famous athlete before allegedly carrying on behind closed doors.

Then there’s the cocktail waitress who believed Tiger when he told her she was the only one.

“Honey, I’m the world’s most famous athlete. I’m worth billions of dollars. I could have any woman in the world I want. Movie stars. Uh, models. Singers like Beyonce —- or even Madonna, should I crave women from the Stone Age. But no —- it’s you I want. Only you. The fact that you’re a cocktail waitress doesn’t mean a thing to me. I’d lose the Masters for you.”

After that she bought the Bridge to Nowhere.

Looks like Tiger was attracted to women with low self-esteem, or who have had lobotomies.

Then there’s the wife. Mrs. Tiger. The victim. The wife as victim of a philanderer. Been a lot of that lately. I mean are these women that surprised when their famous husbands stray? OK, so maybe the guy hooks up with one woman. Or a chubby intern. But Tiger did have his harem. Ouch, babe.

There should be a word for female victims in this same situation. How about Hillaried? The definition of Hillaried: “A wife whose famous husband strays because the marriage is one of convenience or because the sex was over after the kids were born.”

Married women everywhere are taking Mrs. Tiger’s side —- telling her to take him for all she can.

That’s always the ultimate revenge. Pay up instead of payback.

What, there’s a pre-nup? There are enough sleazy celeb lawyers out there who can weasel around that.

Tiger will get his just desserts here. Have you seen his wife? He should use the insanity defense because he certainly was out of his mind for cheating on her in the first place.

Some guys have all the luck, as Rod Stewart sang. And some of those same guys just can’t get enough.

And last and yes least, there’s the sponsors. The old cliche pertains here, “They have every characteristic of a dog except loyalty.”

Back to Madison Avenue again —– those Captains of Capitalism who can get women to buy anything they sell because their commercials thrive on insulting the male of the species.

The advertisers are the pimps here. Hell, they probably got Tiger some babes in order to get him to push their product. Man does live by bread alone, you know.

They gloat over the athlete, make him look invincible, have women act like putty in his hands and never tell him he’s not anything but great and can do no wrong. Hell, maybe they’re the real whores here, too.

And they have no pride or shame and will lie, cheat (not on their wives, mind you) and steal from other people to sell you cars that Tiger would drive, sports drinks Tiger would drink, watches Tiger would wear to keep time with his mistresses before he’s supposed to be home, and sports gear to make you think you too could be a superstar on the links.

Don’t forget, it was within the coven of geniuses of the past who worked on Madison Avenue who gave us the slogan “The New Nixon.”

Of course with every scandal there is a shot at redemption.

We Americans are a forgiving lot. But you have to earn it. We’re tough that way.

We’re also good at casting the first stone at people who are way above our pay scale.

When you sin in the court of public opinion, you’re stuck with a jury of your peers.

Only then are the famous knocked off the pedestal we agreed to put them on in the first place.

We’re OK with that. It’s par for the course.

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One Response to Tigergate

  1. Bob says:

    “All I Care To Know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me; he can’t be much worse”.- Mark Twain

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