Cover guys and gals

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke was named Time magazine’s Person of the Year.

But he won’t be satisfied until he’s named People magazine’s Sexiest Economist Alive.

Way back when the world was young, Time magazine used to call the honor Man of the Year. But that was deemed sexist because it excluded women.

People magazine only publishes the Sexiest Man Alive issue every year. There has never been a People magazine Sexiest Woman Alive issue. The magazine is called People. Women are people, too. But for some reason (double standard) women don’t find this male-only honor sexist.

It’s not true that the Time honor was a close vote like this year’s Heisman Trophy, and that Bernanke edged out, in order, the Balloon Boy dad, Octomom, Congressman Joe “You Lie!” Wilson, and Levi Johnston.

Too bad other famous magazines (still publishing or not) don’t give out similar honors. We’d be seeing:

1. Mad magazine man of the year: Glenn Beck. Cover photo: Alfred E. Neuman as Beck, weeping of course, dipping a tea bag into a cup that says “World’s Best Dud”

2. Field & Stream man of the year: Cover photo: Dick Cheney hunting, his friend lying face down in a stream of blood.

3. Wired man of the year: Cover photo: MSNBC’s Chris Matthews interrupting two guests on his “Hardball” program.

4. National Lampoon man of the year: Cover photo: George W. Bush holding a puppy and saying “If you don’t buy my war, I’ll kill this dog.”

5. Guns and Ammo person of the year: Cover photo: Sarah Palin bathing in a bathtub full of ammunition, with only her head, arms and feet visible.

6. AARP Old man of the year: Cover photo: Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid dressed up like Father Time, with the sickle and a sash thatreads 2009, and next to him his posssible opponent for Senate from Nevada as a baby with a sash thatreads 2010.

7. Popular Science man of the year: Cover photo: President Obama looking like Mr. Spock from “Star Trek” with one hand not giving the “live long and prosper” sign, but with fingers crossed, while in the background a Klingon ship is blowing up—–but you can still see the name on it: Health Care.

8. Ms. magazine woman of the year: Cover photo: Someone no one is familiar with who looks angry.

9. Parenting magazine parents of the year: Cover photo: Mr. and Mrs. Tiger Woods. Unfortunately for the magazine the issue hit the newsstands Nov. 18.

10. O, the Oprah magazine person of the year: Cover photo: surprise! It’s still Oprah!

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2 Responses to Cover guys and gals

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