Not what you think

The $64,000 question used to be who wants to be a millionaire?

But that took too much thought.

Thought was put on hold for most of the George W. Bush decade.

We’ve tried intelligence for the first year of the Obama presidency, but anger and shouting have been more effective.

And that doesn’t take too much thought.

In fact, some of those misguided tea baggers who protested health care because they were so clueless to the fact they’re getting screwed by the health care insurance companies they couldn’t even spell what they were printing on their protest signs.

They should get their own reality TV show. It wouldn’t be called Tea Party —- more like Kool-Aid Party. Drink up, suckers.

Getting on TV is the ultimate high of the 21st century. The cliche credited to Andy Warhol that “everyone will be famous for 15 minutes” is almost looking like it was prophetic —- except that the time frame is totally unacceptable. It’s got to be a hour a night every week.

Remember when we used to worried about our kids watching too much TV and becoming desensitized to violence, or something too sexy for their own good?

Worry no more about the kids —- it’s the adults in the room we have to fear. They’re becoming obsessed with being a success. People are convinced that anybody can be on a reality TV show, sowhy can’t they? They’re sosure that their everyday lives would be a smash hit every week because the viewing public has become so numb to idiocracy they’d watch anything.

And you don’t have to go to a network executive to get noticed. Try the White House. Crash a state dinner — the Secret Service isn’t paying attention because they’re too busy watching porn on their iPhones.

Meet the president, listen to Joe Biden ramble, tell Katie Couric you’ve read more newspapers and magazines in one week than Sarah Palin has her whole life.

Reality TV doesn’t take any thought or effort. You just let the wannabes take over and do what comes natural. The more embarrassing, the better. The only thought process needed to get noticed is to come up with something so outrageous, cable TV news won’t be able to avoid reporting it. But it better have legs —- meaning being able to last longer than a news cycle (which is about two days, tops.)

This is so easy even a lame brain like Levi Johnston can be a reality TV star — and producer.

All because it doesn’t take much thought. No minds have to sit in an office isolated from the world and come up with a semi-intelligent who-dun-it, a belly laugh or two of a sitcom, or a research-driven hospital drama that can turn the most secure of us into a sweaty hypochondriac.

It’s all a part of the resurgence of the dumbing down of America.

How many times have you actually heard people on TV —- people of some stature —- continuously use the phrase “Americans have a short attention span” as an argument for or against an issue? Works extremely wellfor politicians.

That’s a snobbish way of saying we’re not very bright because we can’t remember anything of significance.

Be honest, how many times have you watched “Jeopardy!” only to root against the smarty-pants know-it-all contestant?

How many times do you watch it to see who’s the dumbest one who ends up not being able to compete in Final Jeopardy because they didn’t earn any money?

The latter one has the best chance to get their own reality TV show. Put him or her on an island somewhere and see who could eat the most live insects.

Here we are now, entertain us.

We don’t understand the health care debate, so it’s easier to use the catchy phrase “it wants to kill granny.” Remember to always use catchy phrases, because even the Americans with short attention spans remember catchy phrases —- we’ve been dumbed down by TV commercial jingles that stay in our head from womb to tomb.

So let’s direct our wrath at a new minority in 2010.

Stop hating Latinos, blacks, Asians, Muslims, Catholics, Jews, and gays and lesbians.

Let’s put a stop to intellect trying to get us to think before we retaliate.

Shoot from the hip and don’t take no East Coast academic elite lip.

When’s the last time you saw a brainiac wooing a plastic fantastic lover on the Real Housewives of Where-ever?

Why does anybody need more than a high school education? These days you can’t even get a job if you graduated with honors from Harvard.

Intellect gets us into wars, tries to convince us of global warming and stem cell research, ruins our economy, and raises our taxes for projects America can do without because our kids are going to end up paying for it in the long run.

So the next time you go to one of those Fox Noose-sponsored tea-bagging rallies, carry this sign of the (new) times: Intellect is the new queer.

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