Christmas with the Cheneys

Coming in 2010: The George W. Bush Think Tank.

The ideas from a legacy of incompetence put to a group of thinkers.

Talk about something that boggles the mind.

In any event, the think tank series could be televised on PBS. Funny that, since during the Bush-Cheney regime, W. and his anti-intellectual cronies tried to abolish the Public Brooadcasting System — even targeting liberal-leaning guests, hosts of shows and programming in general.

Makes you wonder what they were thinking.

Also makes you wonder why Fox Noose didn’t grab this and run with it like misinformation about the health care debate.

To get even, what if Fox ran a holiday special that probably few would watch, except the Kool-Aid guzzlers who swallow anything Rupert Murdoch, Roger Ailes and the minions at the Noose corporationshooves down their throats….

You would see: “Christmas with the Cheneys.”

Dick and Lynne Cheney and their whacko daughter Liz celebrate a patriotic Christmas from the beauty, comfort and security of their undisclosed location.

The program features the former vice president reciting his own version of “The Night Before Christmas” while sitting around the fireplace with children of no color, who freak out as Uncle Creepy conducts the reading while throwing live kitties into the fire.

Cheney: ” ‘Twas the night before Christmas

and all through this great land

creatures were stirring to attack us

because this president doesn’t have our best interests at hand.”

After a commercial break for Viagra, Mr. Analogy himself, one-time comic Dennis Miller, performs his schtick:

Miller: “Hey, babe, give me a break with this Ba-rockhead Obama guy, will ya? I gotta tell ya, putting him in charge of anything is quintessential fish out of water stuff —- like Rosie O’Donnell at an audition to play the lead role in a remake of “Gidget.” And, hello, what can I tell ya about Joe Biden his time. Gimme a break, babe, this guy talks more than a Chatty Cathy doll gooned on cocaine and Red Bull. If you wanna find the truth in life, sports fans, check out the comic strip “Mallard” in your local newspapers. If they don’t run the thing, get them to. Trust me, this conservative-savvy bird is no lame duck.”

After a commercial break for constipation, Lynne Cheney conducts a one-on-one interview in her kitchen with former Miss California Carrie Prejean while baking holiday treats. “Dick loves cheesecake,” she tells Prejean. “And coincidentally, so does our other daughter.” Then Lynne and Prejean talk about what Christmas means to people dedicated to what the former beauty queen refers to as “opposite marriage” —- the sacred bond of matrimony between a man and a woman. [edited from the broadcast, Prejean suddenly gets up and storms off the set after accusing Lynne of being “out of line” when the Cheneys lesbian daughter drops by for some egg nog and oysters.]

After a Fox Noose update about something President Obama is hiding from the American people, the show resumes with the Cheney’s right wing-nut daughter Liz singing “My Heart Belongs to Daddy.” She’s backed up by 2012 GOP presidential wannabes Mitt Romney, Mike “Pardon me” Huckabee, Newt Gingrich and Tim Pawlenty, who Liz calls her Peps.

Segue to Daddy Cheney displaying a talent few new he possessed: impersonations of famous screen characters with dialogue written by Dick-O just for the occasion.

Here’s the former VP as Captain Queeg from “The Caine Mutiny”: “I tried to run the country as a tyrant elected to fight terrorists but the liberal wimps fought me at every turn. Ahhh, but Guantanamo Bay, that’s, that’s where I had them. And I would’ve proved beyond a reasonable doubt with the Supreme Court’s ruling that waterboarding wasn’t only legal in this case, it was my patriotic duty.”

When Dick asks family members if there are any other characters they’d like to hear, he refuses one request: doing Burgess Meredith as The Penguin from the old “Batman” TV series.

After a final Fox Noose programming plug, the news special “Climate Change: Stop Trying to scare Americans, that’s our job,” the show ends with the family sitting around the dining room table saying grace and then feasting on raw coyote and blood from virgins.

Cheney turns to the camera and says: “There’s no place like home for the holidays, and if you keep this guy in office another year we may be fighting Islamist terrorists in our own dining rooms for food we paid for from loans from the Chinese. Merry Christmas.”

The camera pans away from the living room to a fake scene outside the fake house where the Cheneys live. Standing in fake falling snow is George W. Bush, dressed like a street urchin right out of a Dickens novel. He says, “Please, sir, a farthing for me think tank, sir” while dogs bark to the tune of “Jingle Bells.”

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One Response to Christmas with the Cheneys

  1. califmom says:

    What a pointless piece of leftist hate speech poorly disguised as satire. I hope your lefty friends got a good chortle around their hot toddies reading your rambling prose, because it wasn’t funny. Not a word of it.

    I don’t know what possessed you to drag out the entire Cheney family for a verbal flogging. Isn’t this the time of year when we show kindness and tolerance of others, particularly those with whom we may differ? I don’t dare call it the Christmas season, for that would not be inclusive and therefore offensive. How many years did you serve our government at great personal sacrifice, as did the Cheneys? I don’t know these people, and I would bet any amount of money that you don’t either, but I can’t imagine that they deserve the vitriol that you and your ilk spew at them. Obama won. Let the Cheneys have a happy Christmas season. Get over it.

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