Cheney’s Christmas gift

Former Vice President Dick Cheney got the gift he wanted this holiday season, but it wasn’t under the tree. It was that al-Qaida-backed plot with a man with explosives in his drawers on board the U.S. airliner bound for Detroit on Christmas Day.

Cheney, his daughter Dizzy Miss Lizzy, the Fox Noose cretins, Jabba the Butt Limbaugh, the Baked Alaskan herself “Death Panels” Palin, and every Republican lawmaker on the Hill are in position to score political points off this incident —- with Dick leading the charge of the right brigade.

Cheney has got to be wearing that “I told you so” feces-eating snear on his face.

The only downside to the terrorist attempt, Cheney is probably thinking, is that no one died. Then the country would demand he be put back in charge.

Damn the voting. We need an Emperor. Hell, with the Tea Party gaining momentum, let’s make that a dictator.

Dictator Dick. Dick the Dictator. Dead-Eye Demented Dick.

You can almost hear the Beast speaking with Sean Insanity in a Fox Noose exclusive interview:

Insanity: When you’re right, Mr. Vice President, you’re right.

Cheney: This is just the warm-up for the Big Game. And this guy we have in the White House still has pre-season jitters.

Insanity: I love it when you speak in sports metaphors.Whatta ya think they’ll do with this anti-American?

Cheney: You mean the terrorist or Joe Cool in the White House?

Insanity: The terrorist.

Cheney: I know what I’d do to him. But this so-and-so in the White House will probably put him on trial in Detroit because that’s where the airliner landed.

Insanity: Waterboarding is too good for him. The terrorist, I mean.

Cheney: This was bound to happen —– we’re not safe with this guy some people voted to put in the White House.

Insanity: Did we get too complacent? Too lax —– wait, let me check my talking points from Rush —– or too weak because we have another Jimmy Carter in the White House?

Cheney: Compared to this guy in the White House now, Jimmy Carter looks like General Patton.

Insanity: A great American that Patton. Just like you. And I’m sure if you would’ve fought in Vietnam you would’ve been just as impressive as he was.

Cheney: What can I say, I’m a war-time guy.

Insanity: Even if this president could’ve done something to prevent this, you say he would’ve just ignored it?

Cheney: He’s too busy with passing health care that most Americans don’t want. If there was a briefing saying “A 23-year-old Nigerian named Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab determined to blow up an airliner scheduled to land on Christmas Day in Detroit” he and his people would’ve missed it.

Insanity: Thank God nothing like that ever happened when you and President George W. Bush were in charge.

Cheney: Protecting America was a religion to me and the former president. Devout in ever way, shape and form. No matter what it took. Smite was right.

Insanity: Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice.

Cheney: Something like that.

Insanity: How would the Bush administration handle this terrorist?

Cheney: You and the rest of the country wouldn’t want to know. And the American people would be comfortable with that.

Insanity: That comfort level isn’t there anymore.

Cheney: That’s because there’s comfort in being covert. The less people know about the things their leaders can get away with while fighting terrorists, the better. They want it done and they don’t care how we do it. Americans are a great people. There’s no reason for them to be accomplices.

Insanity: Meanwhile, President So-and-So is vacationing in Hawaii while America worries. Is there any chance this guy could ever turn out to be more 5-0 than Don Ho?

Cheney: None. If he toots in the bathtub there’s probably only “Tiny Bubbles.” With him at the helm, it’s more like “America Uh-Oh.”

Insanity: Hey, that’s pretty funny. You’re a funny guy!

Cheney: I’m a regular riot, Alice. But there’s nothing funny about how unsafe this country is while what’s-his-face is in charge.

Insanity: Indeed. The people kept their faith in you because protecting them was like a religion to you — and you are a great American.

Cheney: It’s a full-time job.

Insanity: And as I always add….

Cheney: Somebody has to do it.

Insanity: Actually, I usually add “but I do it for nothing.” But I can change it if you want.

Cheney: If you do, that would be the only change I could believe in.

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One Response to Cheney’s Christmas gift

  1. BLF says:

    Is this a joke? Because it reads as mental illness.

    “…Feces-eating snear on his face…”

    You didn’t even spell “sneer” correctly, fool.

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