A heated Rush

There’s a line from Neil Simon’s “The Goodbye Girl” when one charcter says to the other (summing up their oil and water relationship while forced to share an apartment) that the circumstance is “one of God’s little jests.”

Besides free will, we humans all are blessed with a sense of humor that never fails to bring a smile to the face of others.

And the humor turns sophisticated when it bristles with irony.

Case in point: Rush “Jabba the Butt” Limbaugh is recuperating from chest pains in a hospital in Hawaii. The irony? It’s the same hospital where President Barack Obama was born. Uh, allegedly born, if you believe the “birthers” who, soon after the 44th president was sworn in last January, began a crusade claiming he wasn’t born in the United States.

Jabba the Butt was one of those arsonists stoking that fire.

Day 3 of the Jabba the Butt health scare watch. Certainly hope he has good coverage. Good thing none of that “death panels” stuff has been put into law yet.

Since Jabba has had a health scare, one wonders if he’ll have an epiphany. You know, become a better person. Won’t be as mean. Won’t do things like be shown making fun of actor Michael J. Fox’s medical condition.

How does one answer that?

Is Obama a Muslim? Wait, Jabba the Butt’s followers, the Butt-Plugs, aren’t convinced the prez isn’t.

OK, does a bear….. forget that one.

How about this for an answer about an epiphany: NFW. For those not hip, let’s change that to “not bloody likely.”

If anything, the Butt is going to become even more grandiose—- and who would’ve thought that was possible. More narcissistic —- really, no one has to tell him that the people treating him must be in awe. And more determined to pontificate —– pompous and circumstance. Whatever the circumstance, Jabba be pompous.

The Butt will be as angry as a hornet swatted at and missed at a corn-fed picnic in Nebraska when he gets out of the hospital and goes back to work.

“I cheated death, my devout listeners, and now I feel invigorated,” you could almost hear the Butt toot when he gets back on the job of polarization. The Great Divide’s got nothin’ on him.

“And I feel it is my purpose in life to continue what I’ve been doing since the Chosen One has been in office —- to take this country back. I won’t fool you, I was scared. But my faith kept me alive. The Great Man upstairs as much as said it wasn’t time for me to depart this great country just yet. I’ve still got a job to do, fellow patriots, and with your support, the liberals are not going to succeed at surrendering this country to terrorists.”

Yes, Jabba the Butt still has a job to do. He still has to run the Republican Party, as well as provide talking points and his delusional vision to the equally delusional goons at Fox Noose.

And he has his Butt-Plugs to continue to manipulate.

The poor things can’t think for themselves, you know.

They have to be spoon-fed the words of the Messiah of all Media. What can we turn our hatred to this week, this day, oh mighty mouth? Where you lead, we will follow. What you espouse, we will memorize and copy on our laptops. We will flood the new technology until we can control even that — if you so demand.

Ya, while you’re at it, make a movie about that. It could be called “Lost is Cyberspace.”

There must have been prayer services by Republican lawmakers for leader Rush to get better so he could show them how to get out of the political wilderness in which they currently find themselves.

While Jabba the Butt was in the hospital, these things could’ve happened:

1. President Obama showed up unexpectedly and presented Jabba with a gift —– a box of Cuban cigars.

2. Glenn Beck broke down and cried at Jabba’s bedside —- but only after nurse’s aides confiscated the Rush voodoo doll that Beck had in his possession.

3. Once Dick Cheney heard that nothing was wrong with Jabba’s heart, he phoned and said, “Glad to hear you’re OK. But since I’m powerful again and got the hearts and minds of the party, I’ll be blunt. You can’t call yourself a man until you’ve had three heart attacks in one day like me. I’ve had 27 in the last year, dammit! So man up. Next thing you know you’ll turn into that guy in the White House and start apologizing.”

4. Right wing-nut columnist and Fox Noose contributing looney tune Ann Coulter was escorted off the hospital property by police after she was caught by the nursing staff trying to give Jabba a sponge bath —- without a sponge. (Close your eyes and try not to think of that image, Butt-pluggers.)

5. Anti-Limbaugh demonstraters staged a protest outside his hospital room dressed as giant oxycontin pills.

But ol’ Jabba the Butt is doing well. He said doctors told him there was nothing wrong with his heart.

They should’ve known all along that Jabba suffered a massive brain fart.

All those little explosions he’s had over the years finally caught up to him.

Although it’s not fatal, it is contagious.

Toot away, Butt-pluggers……..

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One Response to A heated Rush

  1. sean bailey says:

    Mr. Bruno,

    Do you actually get paid to write this stuff or do you write it on a voluntary basis ? Jaba the Butt? Butt plugs? Sounds like a bunch of crap to me.

    FYI – Your president’s wife has yet made another media appearance with her recent appointment as a guest judge on the Food Network’s, Iron Chef show. What’s her platform? Enhancing Nielsen ratings. What’s next, “Life with the Obamas?” I’m certain Ozzie would be more the happy to assist. Sean

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