The underwear bomber has been fodder for TV comics —– the incident is an acceptable target for jabs, since no one was killed or injured.
Once again David Letterman is at the forefront of the best material on this punchline waiting to happen.
On Monday, Letterman suggested that it was unthinkable that Amsterdam couldn’t detect a passenger transporting a bomb in his boxer shorts.
“Isn’t that what Amsterdam is famous for — hashish and exploding underwear?”Classic Dave.
Letterman hasn’t attempted a Top Ten List on the subject itself. So with apologies to “The Late Show with David Letterman” the Top Ten reasons why the guy (whose name no one can spell or pronounce) wore exploding underwear:
10. Wanted to experience what puberty was like again.
9. Picked Detroit because he didn’t think anyone would miss it.
8. Would’ve gone to the White House State Dinner but thought he wouldn’t make it past security because he didn’t have an invitation.
7. Thought George W. Bush was still president, and as a result would’ve invaded a country that had nothing to do with it.
6. Despondent over the fact it’s the last season of “Lost.”
5. Believed several of the 72 virgins waiting for him in the afterlife would’ve gone on a date with him to see Allah’s “Avatar —- the director’s cut.”
4. Convinced Victoria’s Secret would be interested in designing bombs in bikini briefs for models already over the hill at age 25.
3. Fired from his previous job as exploding underwear model for Fruit of the Loons.
2. Thought by failing he’d become more famous and land his own TV series, “CSI: Karachi.”
And the number one reason why the guy wore exploding shorts:
Got tired of being rejected by women who kept saying “Is that a bomb in your pants, or are you just unhappy to see me?”
New year, new state laws
Every year some states place new laws in the record books that must be obeyed. Here are some you may not know are already being enforced:
1. In any divorce case in South Carolina, a pre-nup will now trump the excuse that you were hiking the Old Appalacian Trail.
2. In all the lower 48 states, when Rudy Giuliani mentions “9-11″ more than 50 times in one speech, it is now legal for audience members to moon him.
3. In Nebraska, it’s still not a crime to marry a cow. However, it’s still a felony to marry the animal.
4. In New Jersey, it’s a felony to live in New Jersey. Why the hell are you doing living in New Jersey?
5. In Mississippi, the state song has been changed to the theme from “Deliverance.” The state motto: “Mississippi — the state so easy to spell even people from Mississippi can spell it” has been upheld.
6. In Rhode Island, it means a $5,000 fine and community service if you’re over the age of 50 and are caught in public using the words”my bad” and “fasizzle” in the same sentence.
7. In Georgia, it’s now legal to circulate a petition to get your in-laws to replace their missing front teeth.
8. In Kentucky, it’s no longer a felony to stuff food down the front of your pants when a restaurant doesn’t offer doggie bags.
9. In Wyoming, it’s a hefty fine and time in the slammer if you refuse to go hunting with Dick Cheney.
10. In Deleware, it’s now law that gay people can marry, but they have to give up singing show tunes at the drop of a hat, orconsider themselves being dressed up when they look like they work delivery for Federal Express.