Six degrees of Conan O’Brien

There was once, for a very short run, a parlor game called “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.”

The goal was to name any actor or actress and, within six tries, connect a movie they made to another actor and then that actor to another movie until you get to a movie star who was in a movie with the actor Kevin Bacon.

Example: John Wayne.

1. John Wayne was in the movie “The Shootist” with Lauren Bacall.

2. Lauren Bacall was in the movie “Murder on the Orient Express” with Sean Connery.

3. Sean Connery was in the movie “The Untouchables” with Robert DeNiro.

4. Robert DeNiro was in the movie “Sleepers” with Kevin Bacon.

Got it in four! OK, big whoop.

This just serves as a premise for “Six Degrees of Conan O’Brien” —- the steps the “Tonight Show” host (for now) took to get to where he is and, consequently,where he should end up:

1. Conan once wrote scripts for “The Simpsons.”

2. “The Simpsons” was the first hit TV series for the Fox Network.

3. Fox Network begat Fox News.

4. Sarah Palin recently joined Fox News as a contributing news personality.

5. Last month, Palin surprised everyone by showing up on “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” in a comedy sketch with William Shatner and Conan.

6. Conan will tell NBC to stuff its peacock and get his own late night talk show (at 11:35) on Fox —- where his first guest will be, right, Sarah Palin.

Followed by, who else?, Kevin Bacon.

Vocabulary for $1,000, Alex

Dick Cheney and his conservative crackpots keep making a big deal about President Obama somehow not believing that we’re at war.

The crackpots’ theory: Obama doesn’t use the word “terror” enough. Or at all.

Numerous news shows have run clips from various speeches by the president over the last year where he uses the words “terror” or “terrorism” during dozens of speeches.

Obviously, Cheney and his crackpots aren’t aware of the Internet and file footage from networks that can dispute their twisted logic.

Maybe it’s not good enough for them to frighten the easily scaredy cats —- but they want them to remain ignorant of checking facts to boot.

In any event, here are other words conservative crackpots feel that Obama doesn’t use enough:

1. angels

2. guns

3. nook-u-lure

4. doh!

5. evil-doers

6. “Internets”

7. kitties

8. mission accomplished

9. supercalifragilisticexpealadocious

10. underpants

Lump of the Week

It’s hump day, and hump rhymes with lump.

This week the booby prize goes to a big boob: Evangelical broadcaster and psycho-babbler Pat Robertson.

While people in Haiti search for loved ones and try to get their lives back in order through humanitarian effortsafter Tuesday’s devastating earthquake in that country, Patsy put it all in perspective.

If your perspective is smite is right and coincides with the Old Testament as translated by a delusional false prophet like ol’ Patsy.

On Wednesday, Robertson said Haiti has been “cursed” because its history proves they made a “pact with the devil.”

Meanwhile, God is up in his heavenly bungalow rubbing his eyes and saying “Oy!”

To justify his zero tolerance for humanity spewing, Robertson said his comments were based on the fact that there’s Voodoo in Haiti.

Go do the voodoo that you do so well.

Guess maybe that’s why Katrina hit New Orleans. There are people there that practice that wicked witchcraft, too.

Ya, dufus, innocent children have to suffer because —- out of no fault of their own — they were born in Voodoo World and have to be sacrificial lambs to the Almighty’s smite.

Robertson’s idea of a humanitarian effort is rescuing the white race from itself.


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