The plots thicken

Movie awards season is now in fullbloom in technicolor, 3-D, and Cameron-coated blue.

It’s a wide-open field as to what movie will be the odds-on-favorite to win the Oscar this year. Academy Award nominations will be announced next week.

The score so far:

“Avatar” won the Golden Globe for best picture.

“Inglorious Basterds” took home the top Screen Actors Guild Award for best ensemble cast.

“The Hurt Locker” won the Proiducers Guild Award.

What, nothing for “Couples Retreat” ? Where’s the justice?

There’s always the Razzie Awards.

In any event, a lot of moviesin 2009had memorable storylines —- whether they took place in the otherly world of Pandora, orin-your-face up close and personal on the front lines defusing bombs in Iraq.

But what if the plot lines were all different for these movies?
As the late, great Johnny Carson used to say, you buy the premise, you by the bit.
Here, then, are titles of movies from 2009 with new explanations:
1. “The Hangover”: How the nation feels, collectively, after Obama’s first year in office.
2. “The Blind Side”: Describes what the Democrats in Massachusetts left uncovered until the fourth quarter when it was too late and the Republicans had the game well in hand.
3. “Julie & Julia”: Names of two other love children that the media doesn’t know John Edwards daddy-ed on the side.
4. “An Education”: In humility — what J-e-t-s Jets, Jets, Jets coach Rex Ryan got after his team was handed their butts by the Colts on Sunday. Ryan had been bragging all week about how his team would not only make it to the Super Bowl, but win it.
5. “The Hurt Locker”: Where Republicants who dare disagree or criticize their defacto leader Jabba the Butt Limbaugh go to be “rehabilitated.”
6. “District 9″: Where Tea Party candidates are corraled and conditioned to run for political office.
7. “It’s Complicated”: The Democrats excuse as to why they find math so difficult — even though they have the numbers to get things passed.
8. “Precious”: What Palin thought should have been the title of her autobiography.
9. “Fantastic Mr. Fox”: What Glenn Beck demands to be called at work.
10. “The Young Victoria”: Rudy 9-11′s next planned drag appearance on “Saturday Night Live.”
11. “The Antichrist”: Who we may be getting as a candidate in the near future now that the Supreme Court has given corporations carte blanche as to the unlimited amount of money they can give their fabricated politicians. Starring Chief Justice John Roberts as Dr. Frankenstein.
12. “Paranormal Activity”: The only explanation that can be attributed to what makes Brett Favre throw picks in key moments in every title game he plays.
13. “Up in the Air”: The answer every Democrat gives when asked what the status is concerning health care reform.
14. “Nine”: OK, so there are no tens —- but since the movie that’s a musical is apparently only a four, make up for that by redoing it as two hours of just Penelope Cruz.
15. “The Road”: What voters are going to tell incumbents to hit come November.

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