A new approach

President Obama has the unenviable task of delivering the State of the Union Address on Wednesday.

Instead of delivering the standard address with all that hooey about working together to get people back to work and to try and convince the nation the state of the union is good or looking like it’s getting better, maybe the prez ought to try a fresh, new approach.

Obama ought to address the House and the Senate —- and the nation —- like he was the new host of “The Tonight Show,” complete with an extended monologue.

It could work, since a lot of Americans would rather be entertained than informed.

With all the bad news, who could blame them?

Besides, nothing else seems to be working.

Here’s what could transpire:

Speaker gives introduction: “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give it up for the President of the United States!”

Sustained applause because a lot of Republicans are still tweeting Fox News to get orders on how to react.

Obama shakes hands and high fives some members who are hooting and hollering like he was Jay Leno.

When Obama takes to the podium, Joe Biden shouts out an Ed McMahon-ish “Heyyyy-ohhhh!”

Obama then takes the hand-held microphone presented to him by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and starts working the room.

Obama: “Hello Congress!”

Most members chant “hoo-hah!” ala Al Pacino in “Scent of a Woman.”

Obama: “Give it up for Joe Biden!”

Generous applause for the vice president.

Biden: “Thank you. Guess we can say the House is in the hizzy!”

The joke mostly falls on deaf ears.

Obama: “Thanks, Joe. And let’s hear it for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi!”

Tepid applause and a few hisses, which results in Pelosi giving that scolding look of hers to the GOP side of the aisle.

Obama: “Welcome to my State of the Union Address. Or as Fox News refers to it, the second of the seven signs of the apocalypse —- the first being my inauguration.”

Only the Democratic side of the aisle laughs.

Obama: “I’d like to acknowledge the justices of the Supreme Court. Thanks to Justice Roberts, corporations will now be able to spend at will to get their candidates elected. Thanks for selling out America. Just think, before you know it coins will no longer have the words “e pluribus unum” on them. They’ll say “save money by switching to Geico.”

Only Pelosi laughs, but catches herself and stops suddenly.

Biden tries to offer support by grunting “Yes!”

Obama: “But seriously folks, Congressman Joe “You Lie!” Wilson is in attendance again and he promised to behave. Since his outburst, we’ve talked — actually had a beer. Being from South Carolina, he’s a Southern gentleman. He even introduced me to his wife and his mother. OK, so they were the same person.”

Democrats laugh a lot louder than Republicans. Camera gets shot of Wilson, who is bound and gagged like Hannibal Lecter in “Silence of the Lambs.”

Obama: “But I wanna tell ya, it’s been a whale of a year. If John Edwards would’ve heard the word “no” as many times as I have, he wouldn’t have this many problems. But you Republicans have your philanderer scandals as well —- including Sen. John Ensign of Nevada. Here’s a guy who takes his last name too seriously —- apparently the women like to hear him say “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.”

Even the Republicans get a chuckle out of that one.

Obama: “A lot of you in this chamber would like to be president, but just not in my shoes right now. It’s a tough job, but it has its perks. Like the other day when I met with the current NBA champion Los Angeles Lakers. Which made Rush Limbaugh very nervous. I heard Rush is now referring to the East Room as the Locker Room.”

Suddenly different ring tones from the cell phones of every Republican in the chamber go off at the same time. They take several minutes to get their instructions.

Obama: “Are we cool now, gentlemen?”

Suddenly a heckler yells from the chamber: “You’re a poopy-head!”

Obama: “Thank you. You all know my mother-in-law.”

The president’s comeback goes over well with most in the chamber.

Obama: “As for a more traditional aspect of the State of the Union Address — to introduce a hero or two out of the millions of people in the country — well, we’re going to drop that, too. Besides, believe it or not, the Salahis said they couldn’t make it here tonight.

A scattering of applause from the crowd.

Obama: “Since no one is taking anything seriously anymore and just wants to be on TV news shows and criticize and not be civil —- or in my party’s case, gutless, confused and afraid to be on the wrong side of what’s popular at the moment, let’s just turn this hallowed hall into one big ‘American Idol’ marathon.”

Everyone in the chamber starts to talk among themselves.

Obama: “Whattaya say? If there’s one thing we know, it’s that America has talent. So I put it to all of you in this hallowed chamber — who wants to be an elected superstar?”

A groundswell of enthusiasm begins to grow throughout the House chamber.

Obama: “John McCain, I know for a fact that you do great impersonations of dead Western movie stars.”

Camera cuts to McCain nodding his head affirmatively as he adds: “Yes, yes, my friends. As well as impressions of Bette Davis in “Now, Voyager,” Joan Crawford in “Mildred Pierce,” and the Gipper himself in “Bedtime for Bonzo.”

Obama: “And House Speaker Pelosi here does an array of bird calls that are unequalled by any I’ve ever heard.”

Pelosi blushes and mutters under her breath, “I do. I do.”

Obama: “Mitch McConnell, those opera arias your wife says you sing in the shower are bellissimo!”

Shot of McConnell being applauded by fellow senators sitting around and next to him.

Obama: “And the dancing moves of one John Boehner makes John Travolta in “Saturday Night Fever” look like he has two left feet.”

Camera gets shot of Boehner, but with that bad tan he always sports, it’s hard to tell if he’s blushing.

Obama: “Think of it — 435 members of Congress and 100 senators, all of you with a hidden or not-so-hidden talent that can entertain America for years to come.”

The momentum is growing stronger in the chamber.

Obama: “It’s Republicans against Democrats to see who America thinks has the most talent. And whoever wins, gets their agenda passed. Are you with me?”

Almost in unison, the members of the House and Senate rise to their feet.

Obama: “Say it with me, Yes, we can entertain America!”

The crowd chants “Yes we can entertain America!”

Obama: “Yes we can!”

The crowd responds “Yes we can!”

Obama: “Finally, change we can believe in. Now let’s get to work —- we’ve got a lot of show business to get done!”

As the president goes to shake hands with his audience, the music of “Hail to the Chief” is replaced by the theme to “Shaft.”

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to A new approach

  1. MJP says:

    Speaking of Fox, here’s a recent poll (it’s just too bad that BrunOpinions doesn’t have more than one reader, maybe it could set America straight):

    Fox is the most trusted television news network in the country, according to a new poll out Tuesday.

    A Public Policy Polling nationwide survey of 1,151 registered voters Jan. 18-19 found that 49 percent of Americans trusted Fox News, 10 percentage points more than any other network.

    Thirty-seven percent said they didnt trust Fox, also the lowest level of distrust that any of the networks recorded.

    There was a strong partisan split among those who said they trusted Fox with 74 percent of Republicans saying they trusted the network, while only 30 percent of Democrats said they did.

    CNN was the second-most-trusted network, getting the trust of 39 percent of those polled. Forty-one percent said they didnt trust CNN.

    Each of the three major networks was trusted by less than 40 percent of those surveyed, with NBC ranking highest at 35 percent. Forty-four percent said they did not trust NBC, which was combined with its sister cable station MSNBC.

    Thirty-two percent of respondents said they trusted CBS, while 31 percent trusted ABC. Both CBS and ABC were not trusted by 46 percent of those polled.

    A generation ago you would have expected Americans to place their trust in the most neutral and unbiased conveyors of news, said PPP President Dean Debnam in his analysis of the poll. But the media landscape has really changed, and now theyre turning more toward the outlets that tell them what they want to hear.

    The telephone poll has a margin of error of plus or minus 2.8 percentage points.

  2. paul C in PA says:

    Wow, a poll of 1151 voters. Well, that is certainly representative of the entire US population. That’s it, I guess I’ll give up now. I’ll need to check to see which radio station carries Rush locally so I too, can be told what to think.

  3. Pretty part of content. I just stumbled upon your site and in accession capital to assert that I acquire in fact loved account your blog posts. Any way I will be subscribing on your feeds or even I fulfillment you get right of entry to constantly rapidly.

  4. We are a group of volunteers and opening a brand new scheme in our community. Your web site offered us with valuable info to paintings on. You have done a formidable task and our whole neighborhood will likely be thankful to you.

  5. This is the right site for anybody who would like to understand this topic.
    You realize so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I
    actually will need toHaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic that’s been written about for decades. Great stuff, just great! Payday Loans

  6. There’s certainly a lot to know about this topic. I love all of the points you made. click

  7. Can I simply say what a comfort to discover a person that truly knows what they are talking about
    online. You certainly know how to bring a problem to light and make
    it important. More people need to check this out and understand this side of
    the story. I can’t believe you’re not more popular because you surely possess the gift. small payday loans

  8. An outstanding share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a friend who had been conducting a little research on this. And he actually ordered me breakfast simply because I stumbled upon it for him… lol. So let me reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending some time to talk about this subject here on your web site. no credit check payday loans

  9. payday loans says:

    I needed to thank you for this wonderful read!! I definitely enjoyed every bit of it.

    I have got you saved as a favorite to check out new stuff you post payday loans no credit check

  10. This website was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something that helped me. Many thanks! http://ppi-cliaims.webstarts.com/

  11. Howdy! This article could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my
    previous roommate! He always kept preaching about
    this. I will send this post to him. Pretty sure he’ll have a good read. Thank you for sharing! http://www.watchtvonline.me.uk/

  12. netflix says:

    Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Thank you so much,
    However I am having issues with your RSS. I dont know the reason why I can’t join it. Is there anybody getting identical RSS issues? Anybody who knows the solution will you kindly respond? Thanks!! watch movies online

  13. Use not panic when you have when you need to face some emergency.
    The mortgage loan seekers are absolutely not to pay any kind of single cent just for processing of those loan application.
    Get some more suggestions through online preliminary research.
    pay day loans online

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>