Check lists

President Obama got out of jury duty.

Yah, he has legitimate reasons.

That still won’t stop the right wing-nuts from accusing him of being anti-American for not doing his civic duty.

Although being president excuses one from serving on a jury, Obama still had to come up with several other reasons why he shouldn’t have to be, like, you know,juror #5:

1. Busy figuring out how sales of ipads will get us out of the recession.

2. Has to wait by the phone for his “You’ve just been nominated for an Oscar” call.

3. Busy organizing a beer summit between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in order to save their marriage.

4. Hasn’t seen “Avatar” yet.

5. Needs more time to find a more secure place to hide his Kenyan birth certificate.

6. Was told socialists were exempt from ever serving on jury duty.

7. Has to meet with angry Tea Party members to pose for more degrading posters.

8. Bulking up so he can be stronger when having to help Rahm Emanuel remove his foot from his mouth.

9. Has to make good on his apology concerning how he slammed Vegas by going to Cesar’s Palace and spending some of that stimulus money on the slots.

10. Partying in the hizzy with the cast of “Jersey Shore.”

Once again the nation has turned to a rodent to find out how much longer winter will last.

Meteorologists, take a hike. America puts more faith in the groundhog Punxsutawney Phil.

Phil saw his shadow, which apparently means six more weeks of winter.

Besides the wintry forecast, Phil’s prognosticating also means six more weeks of:

1. Democrats still not getting any major legislation passed even though they’re still (until November) the majority.

2. Sportscasters continuing to debate whether Brett Favre is coming back next year to play in the NFL.

3. Fox Noose deliberately cutting away from President Obama when he’s making progress —- and especially when and if he meets with House Republicants and schools them like he did last week.

4. Rush Limbaugh recording and then filming a music video called “Portly White Men Can’t Dance” (in reference to those who enjoyed a laugh at his expense when he was shown trying to busta move to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” when he was a judge at last week’s Miss America pageant.)

5. More lame Toyota jokes. Like ones that are offered by the lunatic right wing fringe: “Why are Toyota cars being recalled? Because Obama bowed to that Japanese guy!”

6. Even more selective amnesia from Republicants that no lame brain decisions were made on the foreign and domestic fronts prior to Jan. 20, 2009.

7. The phrase “at the end of the day” will be used at least 1,576 more times by politicians and commentators on cable news networks and sportscasters and athletes.

8. Dozens more naked guy Sen. Scott “Massachusetts Miracle Male Model” Brown not wearing pants references. The guy hasn’t even been sworn in and already he’s a gift that keeps on giving. Careful, bud, you’re treading on Palin territory again.

9. The Who slowly being weened off of life-support after performing at the halftime of the Super Bowl.

10. Jay Leno in training puckering up because he’s behind on all the butts he has to kiss.

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