Palin’s learnin’ disability

Up until now, Sarah Palin was in political pre-school.

Fox Noose —- the “Hope America Fails” network —- is going to put its best right wing forward to school Eliza Doolittle Palin.

So, even Fox believes its diva to be so unqualified that they have to teach her foreign and domestic policy.

Funny that, since Palin could’ve been a heartbeat away from the presidency had John McCain won.

Just what the country could’ve used —– another vice president with a learnin’ disability. Dan Quayle in a $60,000 wardrobe malfunction from Nieman-Marcus, courtesy of the GOP.

If she only didn’t know then what she doesn’t know now.

Apparently, even the Henry Higgins’ at Fox feel their Diva Destruction has to hit the political trail with more than calling President Obama “arrogant” (an obvious code word for “uppity.”)

The learnin’ will be good for what Ailes ya, Diva.

So what can Fox News think Gov. Quitter should learn?

1. Fancy pageant walkin’ over major issues. She already knows how to do that — that’s what got her the VP candidate nomination. Been there, screwed that up.

2. Don’t worry about facts. She’s already adept at that — that’s what got her the gig on Fox.

Fox has learned more from Palin —- remember “death panels” and “lipstick on a pit-bull” and “pallin’ around with terrorists”?

She already knows how to discredit President Jesus Hater at every opportunity — especially when the whole story hasn’t been properly and ethically researched.

Want a latest example? Last week, Fox Noose went nutsy-Fagen over the Missile Defense Agency’s new red, white and blue logo which was described by the Murdochotrons as “scarily” similar to Obama’s 2008 campaign logo and the symbol of Islam.

The Fox-holes were on this non-story for two news cycles trying once again to tie the president with terrorists.

Just one little problem here, the logo was created three years ago —- under the George W. Bush reign of war on terror.


Facts? We don’t need no facts. We don’t need to show you no steenkin’ facts.

Fox is going to make Palin smart if it kills them. They’ve invested their image (for what that’s worth) in this media bimbo.

This isn’t “Pygmalian” after all —- it’s not Eliza Doolittle, it’s “The Bride of Frankenstein.”

Teaching Diva Destruction policy is a waste of time —- because it’s preventing Palin from her true calling: making money. Since hubby Tod is like Ozzie Nelson, in that nobody knows what his job is.

Oh, no, wait —– Diva Destruction and Fox Noose’s Minister of Propoganda Glenn “Goebbels” Beck are going to hit the road for —- drum roll, please —- a stage show.

Palin will pick up a paycheck for people to come and touch her robes.

It’s tentatively called the “Taking Our Country Back Tour.”

Not that the country went anywhere —- except out of their greasy little palms (with memos written on them.)

The Beck-Palin tour (combine the names and you can get Bailin’ — or, in honor of actors and Oscar week: Peck) goes public —- Fox Noose at a theater near you.

Everybody must go through a stage —- it’s just taking Palin a little longer in life. Late bloomer. Like learning to chew gum and walk at the same time.

In any event, what would their stage routine consist of?

Hopefully magic, so hey can make each other disappear.

They could juggle.

Palin could juggle three AK-47s at once and then later juggle everything she knows on the head of a pin.

Beck could juggle his multiple personalities.

The most important thing is that they have fun with their paranoia.

Beck will have to bring his chalkboard along on the roadshow so he can sniff the residue off the erasers. Something has to be responsible for his brain turning to Jell-O.

Meanwhile, Palin could be introduced to a chalkboard.

They could easily be a comedy duo: “Live tonight from Supremicist, Oklahoma, it’s Beck and Palin’s Hate-In!”

They could be the new Hope and Crosby: “We’re off on the Road to Secession….”

Bring along the dumbos of the Republican Party. You’re gonna need a Peanut Gallery.

You won’t have any problem finding an audience.

People are starving for entertainment.

And in this media circus of a world, you two are the top clowns in the greatest show on worth-less.

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11 Responses to Palin’s learnin’ disability

  1. Rahm Emmanuel says:

    When I said effin’ @tards, I was looking at you

  2. MJP says:

    Palin might have been a heartbeat away from the presidency but, unfortunately, Obamanation IS the President.

    Lordy, lordy.

  3. paul C in PA says:

    Remember when she couldn’t identify which countries were in the North American Free Trade agreement. Tough question, that North America thing. My eleven year old – 10 at the time, knew the answer, as did my 7 year old.

    Just google it MJP…you can find out too.

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