Forget about the horror flick currently playing at a theater near you. “The Crazies” met on Fox News when Glenn Beck had his one-on-one exclusive theater of the absurd interview with former Democratic Congressman Eric Massa.
Beck, who thought his faithful viewers would be tickled pink because Massa was going to provide proof that the Obama White House was strong-arming Democrats who weren’t on board with ObamaCare, ended up getting punk’d.
It was lunacy squared.
Massa is the former New York lawmaker who was banished by his party last week and forced to resign over ethics violations —- stemming from groping (and tickling) a male staffer.
To cover that “indiscretion” Massa then said he was being forced out by the Obamacrats because he was “the deciding vote” in the House on ObamaCare.
False. Massa was groping, uh, grasping at straws on that one.
Massa then weighed in on “the spawn of Satan” (his words) aka White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, whom he claims would “tie his own children to the railroad tracks” to get what he wanted.
It was that statement that got the teeny, tiny little brains at Fox Noose working together to come up with the brilliant idea to get an exclusive with Massa to expose the Evil Obama Empire.
One teeny, tiny little problem though: Massa had nothing —- or as Russian comics might say, fookin nyet.
And Beck had to pad the hour with this bozo.
Talk about must-see TV —– it was priceless watching Beck squirm and practically begging Massa to give him and his audience proof of corruption in Obama Land.
Fox Noose’s Minister of Propaganda even had a GOP stooge promoting the big expose on his show earlier in the day, when House Minority Leader John “Bad Tan” Boehner told reporters “Watch Glenn Beck’s show tonight” for what even he was punk’d into believing would be damaging evidence against the Dems.
Occasionally Beck kept peering into the camera with a look on his face that seemed to say “someone get me outta here.”
That alternated with a look on his face like he had just seen his kitty get squished by a Hummer.
If Beck’s brain wasn’t already fried, his head would’ve exploded.
Massa was completely bonkers — there could have been a lunatic run-off between him and Beck.
A new entry for “America’s Whackiest Videos.”
It was wild TV, listening to Massa — a Navy veteran — say he and his shipmates used to have “tickle” fights all the time.
Never mind the “don’t ask” part —- the nation would be better off if you “don’t tell.”
Massa at first said he had one of those “tickle fights” with a male staffer and then sort of admitted he groped the guy.
Time and again, Beck tried to get info out of this looney tune that would put the Obama White House and corruption in the same sentence.
But time and again, Massa reverted to his groping or tickling stories, or trying to paint Emanuel as the devil reincarnate.
The Democrats couldn’t have written a better script. It’s as if they put Massa up to all of this so that Fox, Beck and the conservatrons would come off as silly as they did —- especially after the fact that before the show they weren’t making it a secret that they were trying to recruit this guy.
The only thing missing from the Beck and Massa Laugh-In was Liz Cheney and Michele “They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-ha!” Bachmann. The four of them on the same set at the same time would have constituted a Mount Rushmore of Rockheads.
It’s amazing Massa didn’t give excuses why he created such a predicament for himself. Such as:
1. He groped a male staffer to make sure the guy’s body parts were all there and in working condition.
2. He always wanted to be a doctor but couldn’t get passed the “turn your head and cough” phase in medical school.
3. It was his 50th birthday party, and who doesn’t grope underlings when they hit the half-century mark?
4. Joined the Navy because he heard that sometimes in the thick of combat in the military, you have to advance to the rear.
5. Plan rejected by every major movie studio to make an updated movie of the famous Steinbeck novel, only this time calling it “The Gropes of Wrath.”
In the end, though, Massa made a mess of himself and left Beck thinking (almost out loud) “heads are going to roll for this!”
Beck did apologize, however. To America —- because, you know, all of America is watching.
His exact words: “I’ve wasted an hour of your time, America.”
Ah, but from lemons one makes lemonade.
Look at it this way, Glenn, by saying that you accidentally stumbled on a tag line to end every one of your shows.
Keep watching, Beckerwoods.