The great white grope

The week that was in the world of politics will be remembered asa time when themediawanted to keep grope alive.

Recently disgraced and ousted Democratic N.Y. Congressman Eric “Tickled Pink” Massa got a lot of news media attention.

Massa was such a media circus freak attraction even media lush Sarah Palin had to take a back seat.

Massa-mania, media-wise anyway, should be over as soon as this week ends. But not before anybody who has a say on TV —– from the cable news channel guys and gals to Leno and Letterman —- land a few jabs at America’s latest whacko.

There is little doubt that Massa has introduced a new twist on some words we only thought we knew —- like “tickling” and “snorkeling.”

It’s here, when commenting on such language, that Andy Rooney of “60 Minutes” may have a score to settle with not only Massa, but society as well. His commentary could go something like this:

Rooney:

“Did ya ever notice how common words in the English language have taken on new meanings?

I think it started with the word “gay.”

In my youth, gay used to mean you were happy. Carefree.

It still means that, but mostly to people in a lifestyle that’s not heterosexual.

Gay now means you’re a person who likes show tunes, figure skating, parades, donning gay apparel during Christmas, and wanting to marry someone who has the same body parts as you.

Being gay also means you can’t serve in the military.

I don’t know why that is —- I’m pretty sure there are people in the military who are happy and carefree.

And there certainly are a lot of parades in the military.

That brings us to Congressman Eric Massa who recently resigned office over ethics violations.

He was in the Navy. And he pretty much can’t disguise the fact that he’s happy and carefree.

The only bone I have to pick with him —- see, that’s the wrong thing to say here. That phrase used to mean something completely different.

Which reaffirms the point I’m trying to make, which is did you ever notice that everything has sexual connotations associated with it anymore?

This week alone Massa gave us two new words: “tickling” and “snorkeling.”

Nowadays if you ever say an old time phrase like “Does that tickle your fancy” you can get a sexual harassment suit tossed at you.

I like tickling my grandkids. And they seem to like it too. It makes them laugh — sometimes so much it makes them tinkle in their Osh Gosh Be goshes.

Just when did tickling become sexual? Was I out to lunch at the Algonquin Hotel or something?

I used to sneak up on Morley Safer and tickle him before every broadcast. Now he’s got a restraining order out on me.

Massa also brought up the word groping. Now that word I can agree has never had anything but a bad meaning to it.

And once again I apologize to former first lady Barbara Bush for that groping incident at Ronald Reagan’s funeral.

Thanks also to my legal defense team for proving that I can get rather fiesty when I down Red Bull with my medication.

As for “snorkeling” —- that doesn’t faze me one way or the other, really. I’ve never been much for underwater adventures. Going underwater is kind of silly, don’t you think? I mean, if God wanted us to spend that much time under water, don’t you think he would’ve given us gills.?

Now about those Tea Party people tea-bagging……”

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