Bullock’s ‘Bombshell’

America’s Sweetheart is heartbroken.

Poor Oscar-winning actress and superstar Sandra Bullock wasn’t prepared for her rebel without a clue hubby cheating on her with a tattooed-stripper named Bombshell McGee.

Talk about not protecting your Blind Side, Sandy.

Hello! You married a guy named Jesse James. It’s not like you married a guy who has the same name as someone who is beyond reproach — like say, Atticus Finch.

And what’s this about you being America’s Sweetheart? Has anybody had the nerve to tell that to figure skater Johnny Weir? He was probably vying for the title.

By the way, isn’t America’s Sweetheart kind of an archaic title anymore? What is this, the 1950s?

“Where have you gone, Doris Day, a nostalgic goody-two-shoes nation turns its woman’s place is in the kitchen eyes to you.”

Maybe there should be an America’s Sweetheart Pageant.

Bullock inherited the crown from Julia Roberts, who hasn’t had a hit movie in a while — but apparently no marital strife.

No one voted for Bullock, it’s a rather foregone conclusion. She paid her dues starring in some really bad movies but got fans in the seats to go and see them anyway. But she found redemption — and so did her fans —- by starring in a pretty good movie that eventually won her the best actress Oscar.

Ironic that only a month or so ago Bullock was giving advice to another scorned woman —- Mrs. Tiger Woods.

“If I were Elin, man, I would have hit a lot more than she did,” Bullock said. “I would have kept hitting. Yeah, she stopped, she was respectable. I’d get the baseball bat, I’d get everything out.”

Whoa, hell hath no fury like an America’s Sweetheart scorned.

Cue the P.A. announcer at the ballgame: “Now batting for Elin Woods, Swingin’ for the Fences Sandra Bullock.”

Naturally, all the sympathy is for Bullock.

Understandable.

We men are always the villains. Cheating on our spouses is unthinkable. But most of us think about it a lot.

Why go out for Twinkies when you’ve got angel food cake at home?

That’s the rub.

Dude, cheating on your sweet gal Sandy with a stripper who has more tattoos on her bod than a punk rock garage band!

That’s even more regrettable than Tiger straying on his Mrs. with cocktail waitresses and porn stars.

Of course, Bullock’s Born to Be Wild hubby is no box office Hollywood pretty boy. Which is why some say she hooked up with him — he’s not Hollywood.

All of the media has no choice but to take Sandra’s side. One female “entertainment” reporter suggested that since all of these mistresses are coming out from the shadows and bragging about their affairs (to cash in on them) men tempted by temptresses will think twice about cheating.

That only happens in movies written by women or men who “understand” what it’s like to be a woman.

Some of the things that Sandra Bullock could do to get out of her funk:

1. Go cougar on some young actor. The twenty-somethings are devoted and obedient, just like puppies. Better yet, you could probably cheat on them and they won’t mind as long as they’re told “Hey, men have gotten away with this for years, it’s about time women did.”

2. Hook up with Elin Woods. You’ll fulfill a lot of men’s fantasies — and isn’t that what you do in the movies anyway?

3. Get all Annie Oakley on Jesse James.

4. Get more tattoos and work out on a stripper poll.

5. Do the mistress thing yourself. My number is ……

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