Palin 24/7

Sarah “Lock ‘n’ load and reload” Palin’s Fox News TV series “Real American Stories” premieres tonight. On April Fools Day.

That show should not be confused with the upcoming “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” which will debut on The Learning Channel probably on Halloween.

That show should not be confused with another show someone can pitch for Palin called “Sarah’s Facebook Time” which could run on Nickelodeon.

There should be a 24-hour Sarah Palin Network.

People could take their aggressions out on the TV just by watching her — even with the sound turn down. Works best though with the sound up for anger management classes.

The Fox Noose diva has taken to calling the mainstream media the “lamestream media.”

Makes sense, the mainstream media earns that moniker because it’s addicted to covering everything the Baked Alaskan says and does.

The Thrilla from Wasilla’s latest lamestream news event is her taking her name off the Republican National Committee’s fundraising event coming up in New Orleans.

Diva Destruction’s “people” say it’s not because of the latest embarrassing chapter in the RNC’s book of Bad Boys Barhopping, when the Grand Old Partiers invaded a bondage strip club in West Hollywood on party donor money.

RNC Chairman Michael Steele is on the hot seat over the latest scandal, which makes him about as welcome in Palinville as a community organizer.

Or lipstick on a pig.

Palin is apparently going to host the segments of her new show. So, she’ll be reading from a script then ….

The series is supposed to be about people overcoming adversity —- you know, like Palin did after quitting her part-time job as governor of Alaska.

Before the airing of her show, musician/actor LL Cool J was being touted in TV promos as one of the diva’s guests. Then he Tweeted one and all that the segment featuring him was from an interview he did with someone else in 2008.

Well at least it would’ve been one of the few times Fox Noose — the “Hope America Fails” network —- would’ve run something that was actually fair and balanced.

Here then are some segments that you won’t see running when the Alaskan Avalanche of Awesomeness faces the mirror of her life, the TV cameras:

1. People who read books and have actually been to a library.

2. Levi Johnston’s School of Abstinence.

3. A music video of John McCain’s colonoscopy.

4. House Minority Leader John “Bad Tan” Boehner’s “all over” tanning secrets.

5. Minorities doing anything that doesn’t involve criminal intent.

Some segments that could be on Palin’s show:

1. Surveillance of American Muslims from Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location.

2. A real-life Indiana Jones who is searching for the Ark of the Covenant and President Obama’s real birth certificate.

3. Correctifying the George W. Bush presidency.

4. How to be very, very successful while still being very, very snarky.

5. Behind the scenes of the filming of “Hot Tub Time Machine.”

Remember, if you can’t watch the show live, TiVo.

Invite the neighbors over for Yoo-Hoo and moose jerky.

Submit ideas on how the diva can end each show:

A. Saying “You bet’cha!”

B. With a wink.

C. Firing an AK-47

D. “God Bless the Real United States of America.”

Stay tuned, Palinestas…..

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