Political punchlines

Two Republicans using donor money walked into a lesbian-themed strip bar ….

So begins the joke of the week. Punchlines are numerous but not for publication on this blog.

See what you can do by making up your own punchlines.

And devotees of Palin, Limbaugh and Beck, try to avoid something like this:

“Two Republicans using donor money walked into a lesbian-themed strip bar …. oh ya, so what — Obama’s a socialist who hates Jesus and his health care reform is going to bankrupt our children!”

Well, at least Republicans don’t always say “no” —- or, as they get angrier every day, “Hell no!”

Maybe that’s why some of them frequent strip clubs —- frustration.

Makes one yearn for the good old days when Republicans used to do things like lie to their wives by telling them they were hiking the Ol’ Appalacian Trail but were really in Argentina with their mistress — over Father’s Day weekend.

Just when you thought it was safe for Republicans to leave their association with sexual deviation behind comes this unfortunate true fact:

A legitimate GOP fundraising letter was sent to potential donors (ah-ha! More money for Mistress Medusa!) in Minnesota had a
1-800 phone number where to call to contribute.

Unfortunately, the phone number was incorrect. It was a sex hotline phone number.

If the Republican Party wasn’t so top heavy with hypocrites, one could almost feel sorry for them.

The same could be — and would be — said if these were Democrats who went through these unfortunate —- but nevertheless entertaining —- circumstances.

But this time it’s Republicans —- which proves members of that party are much more fun, and funnier.

Democrats are boring. If it wasn’t for the eight years of Bubba Clinton running wild with his pants down in the Oval Office, there would be nothing to show from those guys.

Jimmy Carter? Mr. Peanut? Comics had to pick on his brother Billy for laughs.

Republicans are naturally funny.

Ronald Reagan. Funny.

Gerald Ford. Seriously funny.

Even Richard Nixon launched a thousand ships of fools whose comic careers flourished.

Hubert Humphrey? Sure, funny name, but nothing there. Crickets could be heard when audiences were told a Humphrey joke.

Walter Mondale? Next.

Michael Dukakis. Snoopy in the tank is still pointed to as the dumbest thing a presidential candidate did to lose an election. Losing isn’t always as funny as it is weird.

Al Gore. The planet would melt before he could be funny.

John Kerry. A guy who looks like Mr. Ed couldn’t beat a guy who is a horse’s butt.

Comics still haven’t been able to have much fun with President Obama. Heck, last night David Letterman told an Obama joke and the punchline was about the president’s mother-in-law.

Mother-in-law jokes? What’s next, Dave, jokes about how bad the food is on airlines? What are you doing, conjuring up the dead bones of Catskills comic Alan King? Take my mother-in-law —- please!

Do we miss W. yet? You bet’cha.

That guy was punchline nirvana.

It’s not that Democrats don’t try: Joe Biden is a BFD when it comes to gaffes —- but he’s no Sarah Palin, who dominates the punchline hall of fame these days. Biden’s not even in the same hockey rink.

It used to be Democrats who had a firm grip on sexual misconduct. Maybe it’s the party not in power that gets in the most trouble anymore.

And it’s always fair game when the holier than thou get caught red-handed.

It’s not only politicians —- their devoted fan base who are angry and demanding are also easy targets for ridicule. Only because they believe they’re right and anyone who disagrees with them hates America.

How could anyone hate a country with such a melting pot of potential punchlines?

Come November, there could be a whole new batch of Republicans elected to come to Washington.

Maybe they out to change D.C.’s political moniker from the “Beltway” to “Burlesque.”

Republicans would prefer it be changed to the “Bible Beltway” —– but there’s just too many incidents with girls gone wild and politicians coming off like comics in baggy pants.

They could borrow them from GOP Sen. Scott “Cosmo Boy” Brown. He’s not wearing them anyway…..

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