Hold that Tiger

Since Tiger Woods is back in the swing of things —- at the Masters in Augusta, that is — we should never again have to see or hear that creepy Nike commercial with the golf great staring into the camera while words of wisdom taped years ago from his late father are played.

Pull the ad Nike. Just do it.

The ad served its purpose —- as the perfect set up for jokes by every comedian worth his or her nasty streak.

Comics comment after part of the commercial airs —- or provide wisecracking voice-overs of their own to the spot.

It works either way.

The thing about the Tiger sex scandal and the game of golf is that anything you say about the two is manna for adolescent humor.

Cable news networks aren’t helping much —- or, if you look at it another way, they’re joining in.

Example, MSNBC offered two, let’s say ironic, headlines about Tiger’s return to the links:

MSNBC’s headline the day before the Masters got under way: “Tiger mounts comeback”

MSNBC’s headline about Tiger the day after Day 1 at the Masters: “Back with a bang.”

Then there was the airplane flying over the green on Thursday with the sign: “Tiger: Did you mean Bootyism?”

Here are some real golf terms that might have the announcers (and those of us whose guilty pleasure is getting a kick out of adolescent humor) might have a giggle over if the words need to be used:

1. Tiger is holding his own among the competition

2. Tiger has a certain feel for this hole

3. There’s the Tiger Woods threesome

4. Hole in one

5. Follow through

6. Rim

7. Shaft

8. Long iron

9. Long putter

10. Above the hole

11. Bump-and-run

12. Niblick

13. Release

14. Coming over the top

15. No one gave Tiger a hard time

There goes de judge

Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens is set to retire this summer, giving President Jesus Hater the opportunity to appoint another baby killer to the high court.
Got to stop reading the rough copy at Fox News….
Fox is already on the job working overtime on talking points that will de-humanize anybody Obama selects to replace Stevens.
Obama should nominate a Republican member of the House or Senate and then sit back and have a good laugh as the GOP en masse says “Hell no, you can’t” to its own nominee.

The air coprse

OK, the strangest story of the past week comes from England, where those two women tried to sneak a dead relative aboard a flight to Berlin, hoping to avoid paying the money for transporting a deceased person to be buried in another country.
The flight was out of Liverpool’s John Lennon Airport.
Talk about a Nowhere Man.
There were tell-tale signs that the 91-year-old man was not just merely infirm, but dead as a door nail. Those signs were:
1. The male flight attendants didn’t try to hit on him.
2. He didn’t touch the lousy free peanuts.
3. Seemed to like the movie on the flight: “Dead Man Walking.”
4. He didn’t join other passengers who banded together to throw a fat guy off the plane before take-off.
5. The women kept calling the old guy “Bernie.”

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