‘Supreme’ beings

Time magazine recently named it’s 100 most influential people in the world.

The list reads like a Who’s Who and Who’s What?!

President Obama made the list, naturally.

As did Steve Jobs.

But to prove they’re not only influenced only by intellect, Time’s list dove into the other end of the spectrum to include Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck.

Right wing-nutrock star (talk about a contradiction in terms) Ted Nugent, still suffering from “Cat-Scratch Fever,” wrote the Palin tribute for Time.

Ted said the “soul of our forefathers are alive and well” in Palin.

Right, think it was John Adams who wrote the book “Going Whig.”

Nugent also praised Palin’s “herculean work ethic.”

Talk about your golden fleecing.

But Ted being Ted couldn’t help but say he’d dine with the Palin’s anytime over a moose barbeque “as long as I can shoot the moose.”

Moose and squirrely anyone?

Besides Palin and Beck, other entertainers on the list include —– Lady Gaga and that actor from “Twilight” ?

Time magazine is adapting to the times, which are a changin’ in the sense that it’s beginning to look like the decline of Western Civilization is just beyond the horizon when Simon Cowell is considered influential.

Cowell is so influential maybe a politician could suggest the next Supreme Court justice be selected “American Idol” style.

Obama’s selection of Solicitor General Elena Kagan for the high court could be in for a touger fight than her having to win friends and influence people among the Republicans who will grill her during the confirmation hearings.

Joining Cowell on the panel would be Glenn Beck, in the Paula Abdul role.

Palin could be a Supreme Court contestant.

Cowell: “What would you bring to the court, Sarah?”

Palin: “I could give the Supremes’ Court the best two years of my life. I have the perfect voice as a backup singer for Diana Ross.”

Beck: “America, there are terrorists among us and they’re buying SUVs so they can put dynamite in the muffler pipes and plaster Obama bumper stickers all over them and then park them in front of churches and schools.”

Cowell: “OK…. Sarah, what specific talent would you bring to the court?”

Palin: “Well, I was a darn good basketball player in high school. Extra specially rootin’ tootin’ good at free throws. And I was always competitive. They called me Sarah-cuda ‘cos I could rip ’em up and tear the opposing team to pieces like so much confetti.”

Beck: “God is going to involve me in a plan. I can’t tell you want that plan is yet. I know it’s coming. I’m supposed to keep it a secret until the Cubs win the World Series and locusts return and start eating through our pants.”

Cowell: “Right. Thank you, Glenn …. Now, Sarah, we know you can sing and play hoops. But that doesn’t impress me, I’ve heard Magic Johnson sing in the showers. Don’t ask me the circumstances of how I know that. So, what specific, unique thing about you can make me not vote you off the show and say you’re right for the Supreme Court?”

Palin: “I’m Protestant.”

Jeepers, Sarah Sanctimonious is right! Where have all the Protestants gone on the Supreme Court? According to Pistol Packin’ Palin and her brood, this is a Christian nation (sic: White Anglo Saxon Protestant.)

Jews and Catholics only on the high court. Hokey smokes, that means pay-for-pray confessionals in the Supreme Court building. $20 penance for every venial sin; $50 for absolution.

Ironic, ain’t it fellow citizens, that, oh, a hundred years or so ago the Jews and Catholics were openly and sometimes violently targets of discrimination by a country swarming with WASPs —- and now those two faiths may soon be in control of the highest court in the land.

Is this a fun country or what?

There’s something happenin’ here and you don’t know what it is, do you. Mr. Murdoch.

Diversity. Not divisiveness.

Look at it this way, Rupert, even though there will only be Jews and Catholics on the Supreme Court, it will still be fair and balanced.

Anyway, it’s Rush Limbaugh’s worst nightmare come true: a black president and three women (two of them Jewish) on the Supreme Court.

Sometimes there just isn’t enough oxycontin to give you sweet dreams, Rush-ala.

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