Goobernatorial candidates

The race for the Republican nomination for governor of California between Meg Whitman and Steve Poizner keeps getting more down and more dirtier as the June 8 primary nears.

Certainly is entertaining listening to the TV ads as Whitman and Poizner try to out-conservative each other.

The name-calling begins and ends with the label “liberal” —- like it was an STD.

There is not much difference in choosing between Whitman and Poizner — they are the best fiscal conservatives money could buy. They are both extremely wealthy and just want to be governor because they have an insatiable lust for power.

Still, it’s fun listening to how they tear each other apart in those ads.

You’d think they’d both come up for air once in a while —- but mud is thicker than water.

Expect the rhetoric in those TV ads to rev up, and get even nastier. In fact, they could sound something like this:

1. Poizner ad slamming Whitman:

“Meg Whitman —– more liberal than Mother Teresa.”

2. Whitman ad slamming Poizner:

“Steve Poizner —– he wants to deport obese children.”

3. Poizner ad slamming Whitman:

“Meg Whitman —- she’ll allow illegals to break into you homes, kidnap granny and personally deliver her to a FEMA internment camp.”

4. Whitman ad slamming Poizner:

“Conservatives think he’s gay.”

Of course both candidates will also run TV ads bragging on themselves:

1. Whitman’s bragadocious ad: “I’m Meg Whitman and I’m so conservative I believe Rush Limbaugh is Moses.”

2. Poizner’s bragadocious ad: “I’m Steve Poizner and I’m such a right wing fanatic I even accuse myself of being a socialist.”

The buck starts here

Those morons with the big three “oil and water suddenly mixes” corporations testifying before Congress sure looked like the weasels everybody suspected them to be.

One blamed the other and Dick Cheney’s slickand ominous corporationHalliburton came off as the slimeballs that only he could find allegiance.

But what were people thinking while the grill session was going down? Maybe things like….

1. “Which one of them is Moe?”

2. “Reminds me, E-Z Lube has a new lunch menu.”

3. “Hey, if the spill woulda happened in for-real Mexico they coulda called it Oil of Olay!”

4. “Is it too late to ask for Iron Man’s help?”

5. “Suit “Drill, Baby, Drill” Palin up and send her underwater to fix the dang thing.”

6. “Why are they blaming each other, isn’t that what we have Obama for?”

7. “I heard they sent that contraption underwater to fix it and found Cheney’s undisclosed location.”

8. “I heard it was Jimmy Hoffa.”

9. “God is punishing America for us coming up with reading people their Miranda rights.”

10. “Mother Nature wants a divorce.”

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