The battle of the summer blockbuster movies started last weekend when “Iron Man 2″ forged gold at the box office.
It remains to be seen if, starting today, the latest incarnation of “Robin Hood” could benefit from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
“Robin Hood” will try to steal from the riches of “Iron Man 2″ at the box office and give to the poor producers so that the movie corporation will at least recoup the money it took to make the epic.
The two blockbusters will have some time to make the big bucks before “Sex and the City 2″ invades action-flick territory (that will be a good time for getting the wives out of the house so husbands can watch porn at home.)
Leno has already kissed up to the stars of “Iron Man 2″ and “Robin Hood.” Next week the Conan Destroyer will be chatting it up with Sarah Jessica Parker when she pitches “Sex and the City 2.” Listen for when Jawman tells her and the audience drool like, “I … I really bought into this movie. I .. I really think guys will like it, too.”
Here kitty, kitty….
The latest “Robin Hood” will no doubt be compared to “Braveheart” and “Gladiator” — especially when our hero is ready to lead his band of Merry Men into battle and delivers the all-too-familiar “They’ll not take our freedom!” chant.
Robin Hood has been a favorite character of lore for the screen to remake time and again. Director Ridley Scott has a great track record with “Blade Runner” the first “Alien” and the aforementioned “Gladiator.”
But there had to be some scenes that were edited for time, as well as to secure a PG-13 rating. Henceforth, here’s a list of scenes from “Robin Hood” that were left on the cutting-room floor:
1. The night Maid Marion discovered why Robin Hood’s nemesis-turned-BFF is called Little John.
2. Sheriff of Nottingham arresting illegal aliens trying to sneak into Sherwood Forest without the proper papers.
3. The Merry Mens’ salute in song and dance to Liza Minnelli.
4. A drunken Robin Hood continuously mispronouncing Friar Tuck.
5. Robin’s tryst with history’s first cougar, played by Betty White.
6. Robin and his warriors attacking the castle of Goldman-Sachs.
7. Cameo appearance by Alec Baldwin. Really, does this guy have to show up everywhere?
8. Hilarious “Hangover”-type scene where a naked guy is flung from a catapult at the castle.
9. Robin and his band of Merry Men are vegetarians, until they meet up with wandering minstrel Todd of Palin, who teaches them to kill and eat wildlife instead of cavorting with the critters like they were in a damn fruity Disney movie.
10. Alternative ending to the movie to make way for the sequel: Robin fires the Merry Men, gets even angrier over taxation, forms the Tea Bagging Party and fights to oust the socialist Dark Knight.