Fancy pageant walkin’

Congratulations to Miss Michigan, Rima Fakih, for winning the Miss USA Pageant.

She may well be the first Arab-American to win that crown.

Which of course has Fox News, the voice of the Republican Party, and Rush Limbaugh, the party’s leader, ready to incite the “birthers” who will demand that Miss Fakih produced her birth certificate.

Fox is already on the trail investigating a story that the winner is involved in a “stripping scandal” saying there’s video out there of her when she entered a stripping contest sponsored by a Detroit radio station in 2007.

Maybe Fox ought to check with some of those young Republicans who patronized that strip club in West Hollywood in Februrary using money donated by hard-working people to the GOP. They don’t need a score card to tell you who and who is not a stripper.

The runner up, Miss Oklahoma, had the “Whattaya think about Arizona’s tough new law on illegal immigration?” question. She said she believed in state’s rights and essentially agreed with the new law.

Oklahoma. Where scorn is as high as an elephant’s eye. Oklahoma. Where the calendar still reads 1956.

There are probably potential illegal immigrants being told they could easily be snuck into Oklahoma and they’re likely saying, “No, gracias, we’ll wait and see how this harsh life in Mexico plays out.”

But not to worry, Miss Okie, Fox News is already whining and coming to your defense saying your answer cost you the crown.

It’s Carrie Prejean: the Sequel. Or, better yet, the Squeak-well.

Meanwhile, all the contestants were in agreement that the thing on pageant Grand Poobah Donald Trump’s head is creepy. And sometimes a little too frisky.

There are no losers in beauty pageants, only runners-up. What if some of these answers had anything to do with who won and who lost?:

1. Miss California: This beauty said even if she wins she will keep her weekends open when she’s needed to fill in as maid of honor at any “opposite marriage” ceremonies.

2. Miss Alaska: Her ambition: To one day serve two years as governor of her state.

3. Miss Mississippi: Her ambition: She has no ambition, she’s from Mississippi.

4. Miss Alabama: Should she win she promised that she will wait until her tenure as Miss USA is finished before she marries her brother.

5. Miss Arizona: She secretly knew that her chances of winning were slim because of her state’s new controversial illegal immigration law. But she’s not too upset —- she still has a chance of winning another beauty contest in her state: Miss Border Patrol.

6. Miss New York: When asked if she would be able to stay away from dropping the F-bomb at press conferences and speaking engagements, Miss New York responded with “[bleeping] A!”

7. Miss Texas: If she loses, the state said it will secede from next year’s contest.

8. Miss Wyoming: She counted on the sympathy vote when she told the media she barely survived two hunting trips with Dick Cheney.

9. Miss New Jersey: Her talent featured a tour of her tattoos, which includes directions to the best exits to get out of New Jersey. Then she performed an original grundge composition called “I got your crown right here!”

10. Miss Louisiana: Her talent included using a squeegy to clean the oil off the backs, bills and wings of birds while singing and dancing to a new version of “Top Hat:

“BP’s puttin’ on a Top Hat,

saying’ it’ll fix the oil spill….

I’m cleaning off birds’ tails

so they can leave liquid messages all over Capitol Hill….”

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>