Rand on the run

The seven stages of political grief:

1. Shock and denial: “Can you believe how insensitive to this or that my opponent is?”

“Uh, that’s not what I meant to say. The whole thing was taken out of context.”

2. Pain and guilt: None whatsoever if you have the blessing of Rush Limbaugh and Fox News.

3. Anger and bargaining: Blame everything on minorities which will rile up the lunatic base. Bargaining is for politicians soft on terrorism.

4. Depression: You’re down in the polls.

5. The upward turn: Your negative ads against your opponent are working; you’re turning this baby around.

6. Reconstruction: If you’re a part of the lunatic right-wing and want to rewrite history to make it serve your own purpose, reconstruction is the worst thing that happened after the Civil War.

7. Acceptance and hope: Only if you’re a alternative energy, same-sex loving, Jesus-hating, fetus-killing liberal.

Don’t look now, but an eighth sign has been added:

8. Blame the media: Whenever politicians of both parties get in trouble for extramarital affairs or saying something that could be considered racist or they get caught and are guilty of doing something that’s just plain illegal, they always endup blaming the media for going too far — for literally harassing them and putting their families in uncomfortable situations.

The media doesn’t always get it right, and it does tend to go overboard at times when there’s even a whiff of scandal —- but when these guys are guilty of trying to do things like force their so-called family values on people and accuse opponents of not having family values and are then caught fooling around, they got it comin.’

The latest politician to step in it is Rand Paul, the Republican nominee for the Senate seat in Kentucky — and Tea Party cover boy.

Dandy Randy is caught between being a rockhead and a hardhead with his flip-flopping on yes he would’ve voted for the Civil Rights Act in the 1960s because he’s against discrimination. But he wasn’t kosher with private places like restaurants being punished by the government because they wouldn’t serve black people.

Paul admitted he made an unwise move —- politically —- by appearing on Rachel Maddow’s show on MSNBC only a day after he won the Republican primary.

Suffice it to say that Paul had his Sarah Palin interviewed by Katie Couric moment.

It won’t be fodder for a “Saturday Night Live” parody —- but it’s close. Paul didn’t come off like he had bubblegum for a brain like Palin.

But he did look foolish — and ill-prepared to defend what he believed. Since then he has gone back and forth on the issue.

Maddow, who gets better with every show, easily cornered the candidate and made him look like a novice.

Everytime she would ask him a Civil Rights-related question like would he approve of a restaurant being within its rights not to serve people because of the color of their skin, Paul would retort with what about a restaurant that won’t allow people in if they’re carring guns?

As MSNBC’s motormouth Chris Matthews said on his show: “These tea party people, you could be talking about Santa Claus and they’d bring up gun rights.”

Paul is a libertarian and libertarians are against anything that has anything to do with government messin’ with anything and everything.

The day after his debacle on Maddow’s show, Paul went to be nutured by his right-wing-nut looney tunes who told him he should’ve known better than to go on MSNBC (he should have.) Paul then started whining about “crazy lefties” on TV.

Blame the media, poster boy.

Paul’s theory about privately-owned businesses not being told by the government who they can and can not serve will become yet another rallying cry with the conservatrons.

It’s the perfect companion piece to the racial profiling that the new immigration defamation law in Arizona will create.

Color barriers.

Paul will become even more of a hero on Fox Noose and with Pistol Packin’ Palin and Jabba the Butt Limbaugh and Beckerwood and the rest of the America our way or the highway clan.

If the lefties at MSNBC think this view into the psyche of Rand Paul is going to cost him the election, then they are indeed lefty crazies.

He’s running in Kentucky.

He’ll win rather Randily, uh, handily.

Kentucky fried, indeed.

Idea for an editorial cartoon:

Tea Baggers are congregating inside the late Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University’s Sanctimonious Hall.

Someone goes up to the keynote speaker —- the Baked Alaskan herself —– and says: “There’s a group of Native Americans outside. They keep saying they want their country back.”

In other news: U2′s Bono has to have back surgery and will miss a couple of concert dates.

No word yet if doctors will operate on removing his massive ego.

A late State Dinner crasher?

Things overheard in the White House Rose Garden when people saw that rodent scurry across the podium before President Obama came out to speak on Thursday:

1. “Obama’s taking this Pied Piper thing a bit too far, isn’t he?”

2. “If Palin was president she’d shot that little sucker right between his beedy little eyes.”

3. “I thought Glenn Beck was banned from the premises.”

4. “I can hear Fox News now: There goes Obama’s second choice for Supreme Court justice.”

5. “Hey, Rush, your take-out order is on the way.”

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