Help is on the way

The president who came into office who some thought may be channeling Abraham Lincoln is instead channeling Jimmy Carter.

At least that’s how Fox News, the “Hope America Fails” network, consistently paints the Barack Obama presidency.

They can’t stop comparing Obama to Carter.

The latest comparison is the Gulf oil disaster is Obama’s Iranian Hostage Crisis, whichdoomed the Carter presidency.

There is something there, there: Even MSNBC, Obama’s Fox News, is starting to turn on Obama. Keith Olbermann has forgone his thousand days since Bush declared “Mission Accomplished” in Iraq at the end of his show and has replaced it with the number of days since the Gulf Coast oil disaster started. And those who remember ABC’s “Nightline” from the late 1970s, the number of days since the start of that Iranian Hostage Crisis began was figured in at the end of every nightly broadcast.

Nothing reminds people more about what bad shape they or the country is in than numbers.

The poor ole peanut farmer Carter, who was not a good president, isthe favorite reference to failureby the right wing.

To be fair, the left wing has their bad Republican president to point to. For a while there it was Herbert Hoover, the Great Depression “chicken in every pot” dimwit. Fortunately for the lefties, a more contemporary Republican president has come to the fore who makes Hoover look like, well, Carter.

Of course that would be good ole boy George W. Bush, the Yale Cowboy.

Now the right wing lunatics who kept belching that government is too big and gets involved in our everyday lives is now blaming Obama for not doing enough to fix that dern oil disaster.

And the left wing-nuts are getting on the prez for not “emoting” enough. Really, can there be anymore examples of how liberals can’t stop the male of the species from embracing their wussiness?

Meanwhile, John McCain is Tweeting back and forth with Snooki from “Jersey Shore” about tanning booths.

Look for McCain to make a cameo appearance with the cast of “Jersey Shore” next year when the sequel to “Hot Tub Time Machine” hits a theater near you.

And so it’s up to McCain’s discovery, the Baked Alaskan herself, to once again save the day.

Being a great American is a full-time job, but she does it for nothing (unless it’s a speech before some organization like the United Pipe Fitters of Sheboygan, Wis., in which case she’ll ask for her standard speecking fee of 25 grand.)

Earlier this week, Palin Facebooked that President Obama should give her a call, because “I have experience talking to oil execs.”

Imagine that conversation, and how fast that conversation quickly bored her, at which time she successfullyturned the discussion into a celebration about herself.

Obama would have to be desperate to take any advice from the Baked Alaskan on anything. But if the two did meet, she’d have other suggestions to help him out. Like:

* How to best use your kids to your advantage when the media picks on you.

* How to quit the job you were elected to after only two years and make lots of money writing a lame book and getting big bucks in speaking engagements criticizing those in power without having any solutions of your own to any issue.

* Find a news network like Fox (in Obama’s case, MSNBC) and vent because that network will agree with everything you say because they’re writing the talking points for you.

* When at speaking engagements, don’t field any questions from reporters —- and make sure the venue has been cleared of anyone who might disagree with you.

* Fancy pageant walkin’ when goin’ to the podium for one of them speeches in the Rose Garden. There’s a way to pull it off and still come across manly.

* Maybe Piper and Sasha and Malia can draw and color a “Mission Accomplished” banner for ya to bring with you on your next photo op at that darn oil spill in the Gulf.

* Bring that Air Force One ‘copter over here and we’ll go gunning down some endangered species — it’ll take your mind off all that thinkin’ ya gotta do on the job.

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