Poll vaunting

A recent poll taken shows that 41 percent of Americans believe the second coming of Jesus Christ will happen within the next 40 years.

The recent cover of Newsweek magazine has the Baked Alaskan herself on the cover with the headline “Saint Sarah.”

Coincidence? Maybe Jesus is already here and he is a she and she’s a gun-totin,’ government-hatin,’ conservative crusadin,’ evangelical angelical hockey mom.

Remember, the Republican Party is also known as the GOP and that’s just one letter difference from GOD.

And if you add the letter B to GOP you get GOBP. British Petrolium, which the GOBP continues to defend.

This morning on Fox News, the chowderheads tried to defend BP again by saying drool like the Mineral Management Services and the government is to blame for the oil spill because BP executrons are now saying it took details of how to drill, baby, drill based on flawed government models —- and we’re not talkin’ about Sen. Scott “Cosmo Boy” Brown.

A few weeks ago the Baked Alaskan said the U.S. should bring in the Dutch to help fix the hole in the Gulf spill because the Dutch know what to do with dikes (we won’t go there.)

Last week, the Fox News diva Tweeted that what’s needed to put an end to the oil catastrophe in the Gulf is “divine intervention.” A prayer. A miracle.

Nothing wrong with that, unless we have to wait 40 years.

And even more heavenly news for the GOBP, 45 percent believe Republicans should retake the House and Senate this election cycle.

Coincidence that the number is 45 and Palin recently turned 46 years old after being —– 45!

And, here’s that number again, President Obama’s approval rating has dipped to 45%.

Obama is doing a pretty good job proving that he can’t be the antichrist because that evil figure has to have a mesmirized solid sector idolizing him and obeying every word he says.

Sounds like… never mind. She can’t be Jesus and the antichrist. Well, the battle is supposed to be between the two. And Palin is a schizo.

How about some other polls that were taken and went under-reprted:

1. 47% polled believe angels really are in the outfield during baseball games —- and when an outfielder makes an error it’s because the angels were on their lunch break.

2. 41% polled believe Sarah Palin was born in a manger.

3. 98% of men surveyed think that Nikki Haley —- the GOP candidate who could become the first female governor of South Carolina —- is hot. The other two percent polled didn’t respond because they were at the movies watching “Sex and the City 2″ for the fourth time.

4. 61% believe the popularity of the vuvuzela is foreshadowing the archangel Gabriel blowing his horn on Judgment Day, only louder and more annoying.

5. 39% of liberals believe that Glenn Beck was raised by rabid hyenas.

6. 21% think Mitt Romney was once a TV game show host in the ’90s.

7. While 41% believe the second coming will happen within the next 40 years, 42% believe Jesus is probably hoping his misses his ride.

8. 36% of Republicans blame President Obama for the sinking of the Titanic, the Inquisiton, the Challenger explosion, the Bubonic plague and the Ford Pinto.

9. 49% of Republican lawmakers wear extra pairs of adult diapers when they’re called on the carpet by their fearless leader, Lush Rumba.

10. 42% believe the woman who is accusing Al Gore of sexual misconduct is likely to be treated for a mental illness. C’mon, people, Al Gore? What line did he use, “Hi, wanna see my hanging chad?”

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One Response to Poll vaunting

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