Nails

Since all of the would-be lawmakers in Washington, D.C., are on summer break, news shows have to look elsewhere for entertainment.

Maybe that’s why on Tuesday cable news networks broke into their coverage of boring stuff we’re gettng tired of like the Gulf oil spill and Afghanistan to bring us breaking news that some-time actress Lindsay “24 going on 45″ Lohan got 90 days in jail for missing alcohol treatment classes.

Heck, the news of Lohan first arriving in court made two ditzy newswomen on MSNBC interrupt their indepth discussion about how much money the movie “Twilight” sucked out of audiences over the Fourth of July weekend.

Speaking of “Twilight” —- here’s an idea for still another saga. Call it “Twilight: Cougars vs. ‘Tweens.” Plot: The 40-something sexual peaking MILFs battle pre-teen pimply-faced girls for the affection of the shirtless dudes. The cougars have more than enough to offer, but they will have a tougher than expected battle against the ‘tweenyboppers, who have the power to control ticket sales.

Imagine the catfights.

Meanwhile, on day two of the Lohan watch, still photos were shown on TV news of what the spoiled brat had inscribed with poilish on one of her middle fingers. You guessed it, the “F” word. She obviously wanted the photos to be taken of the cuss word —- more defiance from young Hollywood.

But maybe Lohan started a trend here. Ya. The one-finger salute could use a bit of decoration.

Maybe other celebs and politicians might want to get on board and decorate their fingernails when they want to subtlely get a message across to the hungry for attention-seekers media.

Of course, the more pretigious the person is he or she wouldn’t dare decorate the middle finger. You will know them by their names.

1. What’s inscribed on President Obama’s thumb: Nothing, because he can’t fit Socialist-Muslim-foreign-born-Hitler-Jesus Hater on 10 fingernails let alone one.

2. On Mel Gibson’s badfinger: Toast

3. On Sarah Palin’s pinkie: $$$$$$

4. On George W. Bush’s index finger: Nail

5. On Levi Johnston’s badfinger: Sorry

6. On Glenn Beck’s thumb:Nazis!

7. On Dick Cheney’s badfinger: Weak

8. On Rush Limbaugh’s badfinger: You all

9. On Anne Coulter’s thumb: Poison

10. On Michele Bachmann’s pinkie: Psycho

While on the subject of always entertaining but not always bright, Republican National Committee Chairman Michael “the gift that keeps on giving” Steele is at it again. His latest blunder came last week when he chortled that “Afghanistan was a war of Obama’s choosing.”

You really can’t blame Steele. He’s just regurgitating nonsense that many Republicans are taking for gospel truth these days —- that they don’t remember, or refuse to count, anything that Obama inherited. It’s the ever-popular and handy selective amnesia — wiping out any bad memories of anything that happened before Jan. 20, 2009.

Steele’s foot in the mouth incident came at a bad time, since lawmakers went on break (hiking the Old Appalachian Trail, anybody?) leaving not much else to talk about politically.

Speaking of timing, Vice President Joe “BFD” Biden will be a guest on “The Tonight Show” on Friday —- no coincidence that they want him there on a Friday when no one will probably be watching.

Surprised that NBC isn’t promoting the upcoming visit more heavily. Here’s an idea for a promo: “It’s gaffes and laughs as Joe visits Jay on Friday.”

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