Cleveland rocked

Idea for a cartoon: First panel is a sign on the wall in that city on Lake Erie that says “Cleveland Rocks.” The second panel shows LeBron James erasing the “Ro” in Rocks and replacing it with the letters “Su.”

Yes, Cleveland, the city with the dubious moniker “the Mistake on the Lake” was done in again, this time by basketball great LeBron James. He had a great run with the Cleveland Cavaliers and single-handedly breathed new life into the city’s economy (official figures figure $48 million a year.)

So of course he said hasta la bye-bye to Cleveland and signed with the Miami Heat.

At least he didn’t sneak out of town with the entire team in the middle of the night like Art “the Mole” Modell did with the Cleveland Browns.

Poor Cleveland. At least it still has the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame —- unless the owners sneak that out in the wee hours of the morning and truck it off to Philly.

Speaking of music, since Cleveland still has the coveted hall it needs its own theme song.

The winner hands down would be the theme from “Shaft.”

If you can’t stand not being with the Heat get out of the Cleveland.

There are a few reasons why LeBron could’ve stayed in Cleveland. Like:

1. The annual honor of being on the sidelines with the Cleveland Browns to get an up close and personal lok at them losing to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

2. All the Red Bull you can drink, on the house, when at the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame.

3. Private sanctioned off area when swimming in Lake Erie to avoid having to maneuver or accidentally swallow the hypodermic needles and other garbage dumped by neighboring hospitals.

4. Hey, no cold, blustery, freezing winter weather in Miami when trying to get to the arena to play a game in February.

5. Change name of city to LeBronland or CleBron.

Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert wrote some scathing comments about LeBron leaving, calling it a “cowardly betrayal” (really, are there any other kinds of betrayals than cowardly?)

Gilbert also called LeBron narcissistic and selfish. Apparently the basketball great just acquired those negative characteristics the moment he quit Cleveland.

The Cavs owner also said, “I personally guarantee that the Cleveland Cavaliers will win an NBA Championship before the self-titled former ‘King’ wins one. You could take that to the bank.”

If that ever happens, start praying because Cleveland winning any sports title is a sure sign that the End of Days is near. Believe it’s somewhere in the Book of Revelation: “The triumph of the oversized sportsmen from the muddy big pond over the not-as-swift revelers full of two much wine and sun shall forbode a whole lotta bad stuff coming down.”

Question, sports fans, is can Cleveland win any kind of sports title before the Cubs ever win a World Series?

Can Glenn Beck ever prove he’s not bat**** crazy?

Anyway, the hype leading up to the LeBronzy Award to the team of his choice had it’s water cooler moment. But, a hour special to announce what was in the end a lackluster pick? True, it would’ve been an anti-climax ifLeBron said he was going to stay put in Cleveland — tatamount to Geraldo Rivera’s Al Capone’s Vault scam.

But it was fun watching jesters from major cities in contention acting like fools in King James’ court. Sort of like out of a Dylan song.

“All long for LeBron’s power” (sung to the tune of “All Along the Watchtower”)

“We gotta get LeBron to play for the Knicks”

said Mayor Bloomberg to his cash.

“We’re on the world’s biggest stage

where even the greatest crash.”

Cynical Chicago is on the line

Trying to offer good will.

Sure he can pack the house

but not those big shoes he’s gotta fill.

All long for LeBron’s power

every major player spoke.

Clipper’s were never in on it —

you never are when you’re the joke….”

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