Coming this August, another Julia Roberts movie. Critics will fawn over it, calling it bunk like “the feel-good romantic comedy of the summer.” What none of the emasculated male movie critics have the family Julias to say is what it really is going to be: “the best Julia Roberts movie starring Julia Roberts playing Julia Roberts since the last Julia Roberts movie starring Julia Roberts playing Julia Roberts.”
The movie should be called “Julia & Julia.” Instead it’s called “Eat Pray Love” —- which, coincidentally, are the exact same words Gov. Ahh-nold says to wife Maria Shriver when he comes home from work everyday.
Hollywood, which is quickly turning into Hollylimp, could use a few ideas for movies that might be different, for a change. Like:
1. “Bristol Getting Married”: The Baked Alaskan’s daughter tries to convince Mamma Grizzly that being married is the surest way to make abstinence stick.
2. “Boy Toy Story”: Tween heart-throb Justin Bieber plays a concert in “Cougar Town” and discovers that his his audience is not dominated by tweens, but rather predatoryafraid of getting older housewives over the age of 40. Justin could even sing updated versions of “Mrs. Robinson” and “Maggie May.” (When you think about it, this plot isn’t so far-fetched and might actually turn out to be a made-for-TV movie just in time for the ratings sweeps.)
3. “The Book of Levi”: The search for the priceless only-known coloring book that the (maybe) future son-in-law of the pistol packing Palins created depicting the everyday lives of the Ken and Barbie of Wasilla, Alaska.
4. “Their the Sorcerer’s Apprentices”: The only explanation why Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell get to keep making movies.
5. “The A-Hole Team”: A documentary about Fox News anchors, correspondents and news show hosts.
Everybody loves a Bush
A recent poll found that Bill Clinton is the most popular and respected president or ex-president around.
Bubba weighs in with a 61 percent approval rating, followed by President Obama with 52 percent and former President George W. Bush with 45 percent.
Speaking of Bush, W.’syounger bro’ Jeb, the former governor of Florida, wants to run for president in 2012.
Maybe Jeb’s theme song could be Michael Jackson’s “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough.”
As for possible campaign slogans when he runs in the primaries against Mitt Romney, Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich, Jeb might want to consider:
1. “Mitt’s a Mormon, Palin’s a moron.”
2. “Vote for Jeb or else everything old will be Newt again.”
3. “You already had the political world’s equivalent of Fredo —- it’s time to give the smart one a try.”
4. “If it’s the only way I can win, I’ll change my name to Brush.”
5. “I can guarantee victory if it comes down to Florida.”
6. “I’ll never say mission accomplished.”
7. “I can speak in complete sentences.”
8. “I once told Rush Limbaugh he was wrong — and have the scars to prove it.”
9. “I’ll have Liz Cheney as a running mate so we can same campaign money by using the leftover bumper stickers and signs from the 2004 election.”
10. “I promise to have Glenn Beck committed.”