Rumors with a ‘View’

President Obama is going to appear on “The View” on Thursday, Chelsea Clinton is getting married on Saturday, and Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin are new BFFs and are going to take the kids camping.

All the more reason not to pay attention to all that negative stuff on the news like the 91,000 pages of top secret documents that were leaked about the Afghanistan war, or the continuing saga of the Gulf oil spill, or Arizona’s controversial immigration law being put on hold from taking effect tomorrow, or to the millions of people out of work.

It’s summer. Worry about the serious stuff after Labor Day.

Question is will Obama find the “View” hostesses in a holiday mood when they grill him on their show?

Certainly the conservative media is expecting he’ll be tossed a lot of softball questions.

One could hear the defacto leader of the Republican Party on his radio show chortle something like, “So what will these, uh, ladies, ask this president. Probably stuff like ‘So how are the kids getting along with that dog you got them?’ or ‘Who designs Michelle’s muscle-bearing dresses these days?’ “

“The View” is skewed, Glenn Beck will pontificate. Gosh only knows that Fox Manufactured News isn’t guilty of tossing softball questionsat conservative politicians. It’s more like tennis balls.

In any event, if the president comes off not sounding so much like a technocrat, then he might:

1. Go on Oprah and jump up and down on her couch professing his love for America.

2. He’ll make a personal appearance on a special episode of “Ripley’s Believe it or Not” where he’ll provide his copy of his birth certificate.

3. He’ll have an x-ray done live on Dr. Phil’s show to prove he really does have a spine.

4. He’ll make New Jersey happy with his special presidential decree ordering the cast of “Jersey Shore” to relocate to their new home and TV series now called “Gulf Shore” —- where they can indulge in a different kind of oil to smear excessively over their hair and bods.

5. He may even get invited to show up on the campaign trail with incumbent Democrats.

Little Chelsea Clinton is tying the knot. Or, as Rush Limbaugh would say, “Every dog has its day.” The roley-poley pill-popping propagandist once referred to Bill and Hillary’s little girl as “the White House dog.”

Obviously Jabba the Butt didn’t get an invite. No doubt a good thing, since the cost of the catering service would challenge the national debt, what with him and Bubba checking out the goodies (and in Bubba’s case, the food, too).

Defusing some rumors about the impending nuptials:

1. No, the Clintons weren’t trying to get Lindsay Lohan an even earlier release from prison so she could be maid of honor.

2. No, the dessert is not going to be called Impeach Cobbler.

3. Yes, Bob Dylan will perform, but no, he won’t be accompanied by Bubba playing the har-Monica.

4. Yes, Bubba will be walking Chelsea down the aisle, and yes, he will be wearing pants.

5. No, Hillary Clinton will not have a Dom Perignon chugging contest against Tipper Gore. But she’ll compete in a pantsuit limbo contest against Oprah and Barbra Streisand.


The Learning Channel plans to. That’s because America just can’t learn enough about the egos and celebrity-driven sensibilities of Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin.

The new BFFs — SarahKate.

The two signed deals with TLC to film a family camp-out with Kate and her eight and the Palin clan.

“Sarah will even teach Kate how to avoid bears,” InTouch magazine quipped. (Here’s a hint, speak in tongues — bears hate that.)

Too bad the Octomom isn’t invited, then there would be enough kids to start another Woodstock. Don’t drink the purple Kool-Aid, kiddies.

Talk about your “Children of the Corn.”

Also banned from the camping trip is Bill Clinton —- especially after he told Kate he would volunteer to pitch a tent.

Hockey Mom and No Recognizable Talent Mom could be experiencing the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Maybe they could even be considered for other entertainment venues. Rumor has it movies may be in the works. Some titles just beckon their call:

1. “Clueless”

2. “Dumb and Dumber”

3. “Born Yesterday”

4. “Good Wildebeest Hunting”

5. “Take the Money and Run for President”

6. “Mouths Wide Shut”

7. “Women in Love with Money”

8. “The Greatest Show-offs on Earth”

9. “Bring Me the Head of Nancy Pelosi”

10. “Valley of the Barbie Dolls”

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