Gipper’s day

There’s joy in Mudslingingville. Conservatives can rejoice. There will be a Ronald Reagan Day after all.

The big day will be Feb. 6, 2011, in California. Coincidentally, that day will be the 100th anniversary of the Gipper’s birth.

Of course every day is Ronald Reagan Day over at Fox Manufactured News.

Reagan Country still exists —- it’s also known as “real America” to the Baked Alaskan and her fractured fan base.

So next February it will once again be “Morning in America.”

It probably still won’t be a good morning for a lot of Americans who will still be out of work.

And small businesses will still be hurting —- especially after the outrage done Thursday when Senate Republicans blocked the creation of a $30 billion government fund to open up lending for credit-starved small businesses.

This comes on the heels of Republicans twice blocking a jobless benefits package to millions of Americans out of work —- due mostly to the devastating recession that was begun during the fiasco that was the George W. Bush and Dick Cheney co-presidency.

Those guys are not only just Republicans, but Reagan recepticals. Yes men of big business and big corporations where greed is a sacrament.

Thanks to Ronald “Government is not the solution, government is the problem” Reagan and his “voodoo economics” (the only thing Daddy Bush ever said that turned out to be prophetic) the U.S. economy is in the tank today. Thanks to the Gipper and his devotion to the top 1 percent in America, its no longer Reagan Country as much as it’s turning out to be Beggin’ Country.

Saint Ronnie. Patron saint of the privileged.

Hollywood Cowboy Ronnie. He’d be proud of his party continually sticking it to the little guy and running roughshod over those schoolmarm Democrats. Hollywood Military Leader Ronnie —- keeping America safe and secure from the Evil Red Menace, and by doing so, running the Cold War out of town. Just like in a Hollywood movie, Reagan and Reagan alone ending the Cold War was major embellishment. But still entertaining.

Reagan’s presidency is romanticized like, well, mommy, a Hollywood movie.

Republicans hate Hollywood. But not Reagan’s Hollywood that included a successful run for years in the theater of the House Un-American Activities Committee, which helped ruin careers and lives of Americans who were outed by other Americans for being “pinkos.”

Ronald Reagan’s Hollywood —- which made J. Edgar Hoover, a closet homosexual but an openly proud racist, a hero in movies and on TV. Another bio embellished, Hollywood-style.

Ronald Reagan’s eventual role as California governor —- where he paid more attention to telling hippies to get haircuts and take baths than he did to the state’s economy.

Ronald Reagan’s ultimate starring role —- leading man of America. President Ronald Reagan —- who proved once and for all that only in America can an actor grow upto be president.

Reagan was known to stop work everyday at 5 p.m. Just like on a movie set. Then it was time for no more talk of work, but rather shooting the breeze over martinis. Like the good old days when the director yelled “that’s a wrap” and everybody went off to the Brown Derby.

The Gipper was as good a president as he was an actor. He was affable up there on the screen always portraying the hero, but he was never worthy of an Oscar. That also answers the question whether Reagan’s image should be placed on Mount Rushmore.

As president, Reagan always followed the script —- which means, Fox Manufactured News foxholes, that he always read from a telepropmpter.

Reagan was so imposing he even had the stones to create what he called the 11th Commandment —- something about a Republican never bad-mouthing another Republican.

More frustration because he never got the gig playing Moses on the Silver Screen.

So with the nostalgia for the 1980s and the Reagan revolution, we continue to find Republicans padding his resume as president like movie studios used to pad bios of Hollywood stars to make them appear as mysterious or romantic as a character from a movie.

Play the Reagan quiz!

1. If Reagan’s presidency was a movie, what would the title be?

A. “The Man Who Would Be King”

B. “The Way We Were”

C. “Dead Man Walking”

The answer is D., none of the above. The movie would be called “Other Peoples’ Money.”

2. One of Reagan’s many embarrassing movies was “Bonzo Goes to College” in which the future president played second banana to a chimpanzee. Question: Did Bonzo ever graduate from college?

Answer: Yes. He transferred to Yale where he was a cheerleader. He was the 43rd president of the United States.

3. Who would play Ronald Reagan if there was a biopic?

A. Robert DeNiro

B. Tom Hanks

C. Harrison Ford

The answer is D., none of the above: Reagan would be played by Prune Face from the Dick Tracy comics.

4. Who was Ronald Reagan’s favorite black actor?

A. Sidney Poitier

B. Denzel Washington

C. Morgan Freeman

The answer is D., none of the above. Reagan’s favorite black actor was Al Jolson.

5. What were Ronald Reagan’s last words?

A. “God Bless America”

B. “Rosebud”

C. “Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?”

The answer is D., none of the above: Ronald Reagan’s last words were: “If I run into Nixon, I’ll know I’m not in heaven….”

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One Response to Gipper’s day

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