Rehab for Rush

Coming this fall to a network near you: “Celebrity Rehab.”

Lindsay Lohan is out of prison and back in rehab.

Charlie Sheen has been sentenced to 30 days in rehab.

If the former Monkees had “celebrity-itis” they could all check into some clinic as “The Pre-rehab Four.”

Maybe that’s what Congressmembers Charlie Rangel and Maxine Waters should get, too.

Rehab for ethics violations.

But they are black and Fox Manufactured News is all over the two politicians like Rush Limbaugh on a child bride.

Of course, Rangel and Waters allegedly contributed to their troubles (the word “allegedly” is not in the Fox vocabulary) so the Murdochian Foxholes are cathcing a break here —- they didn’t even have to manufacture false stories about African-Americans associated with the Democratic Party.

Speaking of Rupert, the Fox maniacal mogul wants to buy the Texas Rangers baseball team.

That’s right, the same team that used to be run (like he ran the country) by George W. Bush.

Talk about your Bush League.

Meanwhile, Fox Manufactured News should start its own program starring the Republican Party’s Fearless Leader.

It can be called “Rush to Judgment.” (or “Rehab for Rush”)

A minority of the week will be targeted for, well, being a minority, in order to keep scaring white America into believing their country is being hijacked.

Oh, wait, he’s been making a career out of doing that for years.

We all know he has a face for radio, but if he had a weekly program, he could even face off against Glenn Beck in a segment called “Who Do You Distrust?”

The Baked Alaskan could stop by on occasion and see how her Tweets are recited by Tea Party members in 1776 costumes.

Ann Coulter could drop by on occasion with dating tips for young Republicans who are preaching abstinence and are saving themselves for the Rapture.

One could almost hear (and now see!) Jabba the Butt get in his last digs about the Chelsea Clinton marriage.

“You know, they spent $2.5 million on that wedding, America. OK, so I spend that much in a month on prescription drugs, but where’d they get the money? Did Vince Foster leave it to them in his will and after they discovered that had him killed? The Clintons really made out on that Whitewater deal, didn’t they? And the lamestream media dubbed it the “Wedding of the Century.” Well, if it was up to me —- and you know everything should be — I could come up with a few other descriptive titles for the wedding and recpetion. In fact, there could be titles from movies and combined movies. Like:

1. “Dog Day Afternoon”

2. “Father of the Bride of Frankenstein”

3. “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits”

4. “Against All Odds (She’d ever find a guy to marry her)”

5. “The Big Lewinsky”

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3 Responses to Rehab for Rush

  1. Oso Viejo says:

    You aren’t paying this guy any money to write are you?

  2. Oso0825 says:

    Who is this idiot writer? If you need to fill empty spaces in your newspaper, perhaps you should try printing all the junk mail that the USPS delivers to eavry household weekly.

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