You can’t make this stuff up.
Thankfully we have absurd politicians and those associated in some way with them (whose lot in life is being an albatross around their necks) to do that for us.
Consider one Rand Paul, the Republican/Tea Party candidate for senator from Kentucky.
Talk about your blue-“grass” state.
When Paul was a student at Baylor University he was part of a “boys will be boys” cultthat allegedly kidnapped a co-ed with the intent of forcing her to take bong hits and to worship the god “Aqua Buddah.”
Brings to mind Bill Murray’s character in the movie “Stripes” responding to a story from one of his basic training buddies: “Lee Harvey, I want to party with you.”
Apparently “Randy” as he was called then, joined a secret society called the NoZe Brotherhood — and merry pranksters they were.
In 1983, Randy and a pal went over to a female students pad and, according to the girl — who was a teammate on the swimming team with Paul — “He and Randy came to my house, they knocked on my door, and then they blindfolded me,tied me up, and put me in their car. They took me to their apartment and tried to force me to take bong hits. They’d been smoking pot.”
The young woman, who prefers to remain anonymous, then said they brought her to a creek: “They told me their god was ‘Aqua Buddha’ and that I needed to bow down and worship him. They blindfolded me and made me bow down to ‘Aqua Buddha’ in the creek. I had to say, ‘I worship you Aqua Buddha, I worship you.’ “
Talk about your refer madness.
Strange but true? The “Randy” campaign did not immediately deny the story. They gave what the media loves to call “a non-denial denial.”
“Randy” is now an eye doctor.
Makes you wonder what his stand is on medical marijuana use for glaucoma.
From Kentucky we travel north to Alaska to Palin Country.
There’s a viral video going around that could be called “Palin Unscripted.”
Seems the Baked Alaskan was filming a segment for her TLC TV show “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” when she thought she’d go impromptu with a woman who was in the camera shot standing next to a banner that read “Sarah Palin: Worst Governor Ever.”
The protester said she was disappointed that Palin traded in being governor for being a “celebrity” and quit her responsibilities after “cash was waved in her face.”
Palin said she was tickled pink that the woman thought of her as a celebrity.
The Baked Alaskan told the woman that she’s now representing America (to which Bristol said, ala “Rain Man”, “she’s representing America”) and the usual patriotic mumbo jumbo like she’s fighting for the Constitution and freedoms like free speech.
The one-on-one was never confrontational, but it didn’t appear that the woman was won over.
And Palin — although affable — was not impressive dealing with someone who disagrees with her (can’t blame her for that, since she’s always shielded from “those” kinds of people.)
When Palin asked the woman what she did for a living, she replied “I’m a teacher.”
Palin and daughter Palin could only say “Oh” —- clearly unable to hide the fact they were unimpressed. They had looks on their faces as if to say, “OK, we have nothing further to discuss.”
The meeting of a mind over what matters would have had a better endingif Bristol would’ve asked the woman what she teaches and she responded with “sex education.”
Speaking of that, the daddy of Bristol’s baby, Levi “Jimmy Hollywood” Johnston, is considering a run for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska —- an office formerly held by his almost-mother-in-law.
No joke. Levi’s manager, Tank Jones (as in, your Hollywood career Tanked, Levi) said the black moose of the Palin clan is considering a run for office as part of a reality TV show.
When questioned how anybody could take Johnston seriously, politically or otherwise, Jones responded: “People questioned Jesus Christ, so I definitely don’t care about these mere mortals questioning Levi Johnston.”
Talk about your name-dropping.
To quote Mr. Dylan: “There’s something happening here and you don’t know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones?”
In any event, here are some slogans Levi could consider in his run for local office:
1. “I’ve seen a Palin naked.”
2. “I’ve never had an original thought in my head —- like a certain someone else who had this job.”
3. “I promise to stay on the job for two years and then use my fame to make millions reaching small minds on the speaking circuit.”
4. “My stimulus package has already been well-documented.”
5. “Dudes, my first order of business: council chambers now stacked with council chambermaids!”