Movie News

The biggest news item of the week was:

A. The $26 billion jobs bill passes in the House saving jobs of hundreds and thousands of teachers, police and firefighters

B. Elena Kagan sworn onto the Supreme Court, making it the first time in history that three women will serve at the same time on the nation’s highest bench.

No, the answer is C. The snippy male flight attendant who went berserko grande and quit his job with JetBlue after having a bad day and thus becoming a folk hero forour economically troubled times. But, alas, a footnote: Some news media outlets are now questioning whether Steven Slater is hero or fraud. Build ’em up just to tear ’em down. For an example,check President Obama.

How can you tell Slater has become such a media sensation? When he finally (all of America was waiting) talked to the media he had a lawyer present.

Getting a lawyer to speak to the media with someone who is suddenly newsworthy — especially controversial — is as easy as findingthe proverbial snake in the grass.

Everyone on cable news and entertainment shows are trying to find a gig for the unemployed flight attendant —- everything from replacing Simon on “Idol” to being a star on “Survivor.”

Actually, Slater would be perfect in the role on the life of the guy who played Johnny, the zany character from “Airplane!” who practically stole the movie as the smart-alec who always had a wise-ass answer.

Example: Someone who thinks Johnny is a gopher asks “How ’bout some coffee, Johnny?” And he replies, “No thanks.”

If they do make a movie about the JetBlue incident it would have to be in the tradition of “Airplane!”

You could almost envision one scene now. The director is told at the last minute by producers that he has to save money and go on location to reshoot. Meanwhile cast members have not been informed, until now.

Director: “We have to shoot this scene in Vancouver.”

Confused cast member: “Vancouver? What is it?”

Director: “It’s a big city in Canada —- but that’s not important right now.”

You know you’re a wuss when:
1. You let your girlfriend or wife drag you to see the new Julia Roberts “men are such wussies” movie “Eat Pray Love.” (You don’t even have to see the movie to know that the PG-13 rated movie that says it includes partial nudity will be the obligatory bare male backside. One may soon start to believe that Julia Roberts is never naked even in real life.)
Sidebar: At the end of one review of the Juliafest, a female movie critic came tothis subtle male-bashing conclusion that men who don’t go to the film with their women: “He’ll be blindsided when she comes home from the theater to announce, “I’m going on a trip. A long one. Alone.’ “
You’d never hear a wuss remark to that comment with (a deserved) “Really? Good for you. How soon? How many days you gonna be gone? Give me your best ballpark figure….”
2. You like the movie “Eat Pray Love” and keep it from everybody but your girlfirnd or wife but then they tell their girlfriends and their guys find out and you deny it and you get in trouble with your girlfriend or wife because you denied it but then make it up to her by renting “Steel Magnolias.”
3. You don’t shed a tear at the end of guy movies like “Brian’s Song” or “Field of Dreams” or “Old Yeller” —- but you bawl like a middle school girl at the end of “An Affair to Remember.”

Coming attractions:
1. “The Other Guys”: The new Will Ferrell-Mark Wahlberg buddy pic. The title could also refer to a movie about the Obama administration continuing to blame the Bush administration for everything (even though it’s justified.)
2. “The Expendables”: Aging action heroes Stallone and Willis together again for the first time in an explosion-fest that’s opening the same weekend as Juliapalooza and will get crushed because wussies were brainwashed into believing alpha males are from the Stone Age (you bet your Jurassic they are).
The title of the film could also refer to a documentary by former House Majority Leader and right-wing nut Republican Newt (what’s a newt?) Gingrich exposing millions of Americans who have to collect unemployment because they lost their jobs out of no fault of their own.
Listen and watch how this weasel actually has the stupidity to believe his own barf when he suggests “the extension of unemployment benefits has given people a perverse incentive to stay on unemployment rather than accept a job.”
And because Newt is such a family values guy and respects women so much (it’s true, he’s been married three times!) here’s a few proposed retitled movie titles that could star the star power of Newtster, the Babe Magnet:
1. “One Upon a Time with Mae West”
2. “Days of Wives and Roses”
3. “The First, Second and Third Wives Club”
4. “Cool Hand Newt”
5. “The Gingrich Who Stole Christa”
6. “Dr. Strangelover: Or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Blondes”
7. “Florence of Arabia”
8. “The Best Years of My Wives”
9. “I Remember Mamasita”
10. “Three Days of the Condom”

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One Response to Movie News

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