Bad tan, rested and ready.
That’s House Minority Leader John “Spray on orange tan” Boehner —- the Ohio Republican who would be Speaker of the House should the GOP take back control of the House of Representatives come November.
Bad Tan spoke before an audience in Cleveland —– OK, there’s his first mistake, he’s in Cleveland and who is going to take that seriously, LeBron James? —–on Tuesday and said it was time to let the “grown-ups” run the show. Really, are grown-ups supposed to whine as much as little children, Johnny?
The Orange Man (and he didn’t even play football at Syracuse) said that President Obama should fire his economic team of Larry Summers and Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner.
Hokey-smokes, Bullwinkle, Bad Tan is right. Geithner and Summers should get the boot and be forced to collect unemployment and see how they like it. So should Boehner, for that matter.
Bad Tan makes a good argument, but then he had to get nasty by saying things like since Obama has been in the White House it’s been “government run as community organizer.” Of course that’s a slam at Obama’s humble beginnings in politics as a community organizer —– which, by the way, was responsible for that grass roots ground swell that got him elected president.
That being said, one has to consider the source.Boehner wants to turn back the hands of time to days of our lives not so long ago to the Bush years. He wants to keep the Bush tax breaks for the wealthy, which in turn will tax the little guy and mess with Medicare and Social Security.
As the news glamor boys and girls like to say on the TV, Boehner’s speech was political and short on details ‘splainin’ what the GOP’s agenda is gonna be.
But Bad Tan promised that the Republicants will release their “plan” next month.
And the check is in the mail.
Boehner has a lean and hungry look to go along with that orange tan of his. Republicants are over-confident that they’re going to take back the House and Senate. They’ve got Obama where they want him, down in the polls and accused of everything from pulling the plug on granny with his health care plan to the BP oil spill.
Just to play it safe, though, the GOP may also want to run this election cycle on the Snooki Platform.
Snooki, the “Jersey Shore” mega-babe, is into that funky-looking tan just like Boehner.
Her most important thing in life — well, up there anyway —- is getting that phony looking leathery tan.
In fact, she and John McCain Tweeted back and forth about Obama taxing tanning booths. Forget that he’s a socialist Muslim, he wants to tax the rays!
McCain was considered dead in the water out there in Arizona in the Republican primary a few months ago. OK, so he spent $20 million plus to get re-nominated. But the biggest push he got was not from Mama Grizzly campainin’ for her former running mate —- it was Snooki.
On MSNBC, one of the actor/anchors was talking to some pop culture bloghead and asked something like “can you believe there was a poll taken in New Jersey asking the people there if “Jersey Shore”hasa positive or negative impact?”
The anchorhead asked this while MSNBC spent five minutes on the story.
Quite The Situation. Hey, anything, including non-news about the goombahs on “Jersey Shore” as long as we can finally stop talking about that pesky mosque.
Speaking of fear-mongering nosebleeds, what if whacko right-wing blogger Andrew “Not so” Brietbart made uo and released an Obama essay he was writing for his future presidential library? It might go something like this:
“How I spent my summer vacation”
by Barack H. Obama
“Right smack dab in the middle of an economy that’s sinking faster than the Titanic, I took the wife and kids on a 10-day R&R on Martha’s Vineyard.
I got to play a lot of golf with my terrorist pals —- and afterwards we went to Hooters and hoisted cold ones, toasting the success of my evil plan to destroy America by unleashing bed bugs and tainted eggs.
I conducted a seance to make contact with the spirit of Teddy Kennedy. Instead, I conjured up the dead head of Ted Williams.
Before all was said and done, I actually ended up saving a lot of money by switching to Geico.
In the middle of the night I snuck out of the apartment complex, passed the sleeping Secret Service and, with the power I obtained from my sinister health care plan, secretly pulled the plugs on several grannys.
One afternoon, I called into Rush Limbaugh’s radio show, disguised my voice as Dick Cheney and talked about waterboarding Muslim-Americans who want to build mosques anywhere in America.
And I musn’t forget, just to make sure it was still where I last left it, I checked the place where I secretly have my real birth certificate hidden.
Last Sunday, I secretly conducted services for a same-sex couple getting married. Presidents can do that, can’t they?
Even I was too busy on vacation so I told Bill Clinton more than once that I didn’t want to go cruisin’ for chicks in his ’65 Mustang.
Late in the evenings, I caught up on episodes of “Glee” that I missed.
Just for fun, I contributed Confederate money to Tea Party candidates.
And I worked on my speech about the U.S. combat troops finally leaving Iraq.
Then I called up W. and asked, now how do I clean up this economic mess you got us into?
Finally, I actually changed water into wine but changed it back again because I even scared the bejesus out of myself. Which convinced me not to try to walk on the Atlantic.
Maybe next summer.”