Lost in translation

President Obama delivered his annual State of the Students speech to America’s schoolkids on Tuesday.

Unlike George W. “Is our children learning?” Bush, Obama actually knew the subject matter. Even though if you listen long enough to right-wing talk radio, they’ll convince you they swear to Jesus they heard him say “Our chilrens be learnin.”

Last year at this time, the right wing-nuts didn’t think Obama should speak to America’s students because Newt and Rush and Insanity and Beckerwood believed he was going to hypnotize them with his charisma and turn them all into socialists.

No doubt what Obama said in his address to the children (who are our future, y’know) will be translated differently by the conservatrons and the nosebleeds over there at Fox Fabricated News.

This is likely what the wing-nuts will get from the speech: “Obama tells kids to stay in school as long as they can because there’s no jobs out there anyway.”

Here are other right wing-nut translations from Obama’s speech that people will believe because they only get their news from one source:

What Obama actually said: “Nobody gets to write your destiny for you.”

Fox Fabricated’s translation: “Obama tells kids none of you can write so you have no destiny.”

What Obama actually said: “Your future is in your hands.”

Sarah Palin’s translation: “See, even he thinks you can write Cliff’s notes on your hands.”

What Obama actually said: “Stay in school.”

Glenn Beck’s translation: “He told kids not to pray in school.”

What Obama actually said: “If hard work can make a difference for me, it can make the difference for you too.”

Rush Limbaugh’s translation: “He made a pact with the devil to win the presidency and will begin recruiting new members ofhis Hate Jesus Organization that can make a difference for you too.”

What Obama actually said: “Your life is what you make of it.”

Newt Gingrich’s translation: “Kill whitey.”

More man trouble

Just when you thought it was safe to wash your hands of any TMI news story, comes a new study that says only 77 percent of men polled say they wash their hands after using a public restroom.

Once again women came out on top in this poll (don’t they always?) More women, bless their hearts, an amazing 93 percent of you polled, say they wash their hands after visiting a public little girls room.

One thing to consider: Just who are these 23 percent of men who actually admitted they don’t wash their hands.

Don’t want to know is the correct answer.

So look for Madison Avenue to come up with another male-bashing TV ad that will tie thisdirty little secret into this product or that. Using adolescent-favored toilet humor, no doubt.

It will be the perfect addition to popular male stereotypes like we never ask for directions and we always leave the toilet seat up. Maybe Toyota can make a vehicle that could combine the two. But then it will have to be called a Toiletta. It won’t be necessary to include any directions, however…

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