Take the money and run

            Show the GOP the money.
     It doesn’t matter where it comes from.
     The more anonymous the better.
     It allows the RepubliTea Party to cover its, uh, tracks.
     You say there’s $75 million being contributed to Republican candidates by foreign corporations, with the go-between being the U.S. Chamber of Commerce?
     $75 million. Or as Meg Whitman calls it, “chump change.” (At last count, Meg has spent $140 million to be governor of California. What, is her campaign in 3D?)
     Yep, foreign governments are investing in our nation’s Republicans.
     Soon you may see a GOP candidate like Christine “I’m not a witch. I’m you” O’Donnell, running for Senate in Delaware, run a TV spot like this:
     “I’m Christine O’Donnell, and Toyota approved this message.”
     Speaking of magic and sorcery, the Republicans are so confident that it’s in the cards that they’ll take back the House and Senate (and their country) in November, they’re not afraid to show the American people their hand.
     The deck is so stacked, they’re positive voters won’t call their bluff.
     The lunatics are so over-confident they can say anti-middle-class working American drool like this:
     1. Joe Miller, Tea Bagger candidate for Alaska Senate: Outlaw the minimum wage. Get rid of unemployment benefits (just like the ones his wife once collected.)
     First you had queen of the nosebleeds Sarah Palin, and now Miller. Time to give Alaska back to the Russians.
     2. Rand Paul, jamoke running for Senate in Kentucky. Wants to raise the retirement age so you could work longer and do so by not even making minimum wage.
     3. Jim DeMint, running for re-election as Senator from South Carolina. Says sexually active single women should not be allowed to teach school. DeMint didn’t say anything about sexually active married women being persona non grata from teaching school. Or sexually active men, single or married, for that matter.
     What do Republicans have against women who aren’t married? They must think they’re all Democrats who are sexually active and have abortions on demand — which is why the lunatic fringe of the GOP believes women should carry babies to term — even in the cases of rape and incest.
     But the GOP misogynists are crafty enough to hide behind the Bible and the revisionist Constitution and give their women opportunities —- but only if they’re of the same inane mindset.
     Which brings us back to O’Donnell.
     As Donovan sang —- must be the season of the witch.
     Sister Grizzly started her most recent campaign TV ad with “I’m not a witch” and ended it with “I’m you.”
     Here’s a few rejected selling points to the same ad:
     Christine O’Donnell “I’m not a witch” ad, take 666:
     1. “I’m not a witch …. sorry to hear about your hair and teeth suddenly falling out after you gave me that speeding ticket, officer.”
     2. “I’m you ….. except I don’t have to rub one out whenever the urge strikes.”
     3. “I’m you …. only a whole lot cuter.”
     4. “I’m not a witch …. even though Former House Speaker Mr. Gingrich avoids me like the plague just because my favorite ingredient to add in my cauldron of puppy dog tail soup is “eye of newt.”
     5. “I’m you …. except I have classified information that the Chinese are secretly trying to overthrow the government.”
     It’s true — well, at least she says it is. And she also wishes she wasn’t privy to such classified information. Or maybe she was in a privvy when she thought she heard someone in the next stall talk about it.
     Who is she really? Nancy Drew?
     There was also a report that she claims her father was Bozo the Clown in Philadelphia.
     When you’ve been tagged with this witch label, bragging about your father being a clown isn’t exactly smart politics.
     Turns out he wasn’t, by the way. He was a fill-in clown. Like Bozo’s understudy to an understudy. He wasn’t even a full-time Bozo (like Glenn Beck.)
     She can’t even tell the truth about that.
     She should be an actress. She’d be perfect for the starring role in a movie called “The Liar, the Witch and Emmet Kelly’s Wardrobe.”
     Finally, the bewitching one has also said she would’ve joined the Hare Krishnas but didn’t want to become a vegetarian because she likes meatballs (too easy to make crude jokes, we won’t go there.)
     She’s adorable. We need her in the Senate. Keep that foreign money pouring in to her campaign.
     After all, she’s our only link between survival and the overthrow of the government by the Chinese.
     Just curious, does eye of newt mix well with dim sum?

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