Favre and friends

            Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane!
            No, it’s jet packs!
            Jet packs?
            Last week, the birdbrains at “Fox & Friends” ran with the story that L.A. was spending $1 billion on jet packs for law enforcement to use when fighting crime in the city of angels.
           “They can fly as high as 8,000 feet!” one Foxhole said.
           “They’ll have to watch out they don’t crash into police and news helicopters!” another Foxhole blabbered.
           While you’re at it, watch out for reports of UFOs landing at the White House to report to President Klatu.
           Or a report of a headless horseman who was seen laughing like a loon while collecting all of those decapitated noggins in the Arizona desert and leaving them at the doorsteps of liberal politicians.
           What a bunch of yahoos.
           Go figure: Fox intentionally avoided reporting on a RepubliTea Party candidate who dabbled in witchcraft , practices abstinence (even with herself) and doesn’t believe in evolution because monkeys aren’t evolving into humans as we speak.
           Can’t you just hear them in their newsroom —– “Holy smokes, we just read in the Onion that L.A. has jet packs just like George and his boy Elroy!”
           It’s apparent that Fox loves the fantastic stories. So here’s one for you guys — it may seem to be a little out there, but here goes:
           There are really newspeople on cable news channels who actually check facts before reporting it on air.
           Strange, but true.

           Those 33 Chilean miners will be seeing daylight soon after two months.
           The world is watching and so is Madison Avenue.
           The miners could get a TV ad gig pushing deoderant.
           “After 33 days trapped below the surface of the earth, it’s good to know that my Mennen speed stick didn’t fail me.”
           What the miners will be saying when they finally see daylight:
           1. “We’re going to Disneyland!”
           2. “We found Obama’s real birth certificate!”
           3. “Two of the guys discovered true happiness and refuse to be rescued…..”
           4. “Those contestants on ‘Survivor’ are wimps.”
           5. “The music of Justin Bieber got us through our ordeal.”


            Brett Favre, the old man of the NFL, apparently wasn’t only throwing passes to wide receivers.
           The only grandpa playing professional football allegedly sent sexually harrassing text messages and nekkid pics of himself to female sports reporters when he played for the New York Jets a few seasons ago.
           Brett, you old dog you. Accused of texting one offensive line after another. You quarterback sneak.
           Naturally this story broke the day Favre, now with the Minnesota Vikings, was playing against his old teammates the Jets in New York.
           Some of the more tame things Favre may have texted include:
           1. “I’m at my best when I get called for illegal use of the hands.”
           2. “You won’t get a penalty for roughing the passer, if you know what I mean.”
           3. “I see you’ve got your backfield in motion.”
           4. “It’s true, most of the woman I’ve come on to accuse me of offensive holding.”
           5. “I’m not sure I get the reference when you say our lovelife should be called the two-minute warning.”

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