George W. Bush, the contest

      Did you get your Facebook questions submitted in time to enter the Win an Interview with George W. Bush Sweepstakes?

The deadline was today.

If you win you will be flown to Dallas and get to inteview the former president.

The contest coincides with the release of W.’s memoirs, which coincidentally won’t hit bookstores  (W. at a bookstore?) until the week after the mid-term elections.

W.’s memoirs were scheduled to come out in September, but the Republicans put the kibosh on that deal: They don’t want to be associated with him until after they’re finished fooling the public this election cycle.

Republicans these days are acting like they have amnesia when it comes to everything that went wrong for eight years before Barack Obama was sworn in as president.

Heck, ol’ W. was conveniently not there in person at the 2008 GOP Convention —- he was reduced to speaking like a hallogram via satellite on a jumbotron.

We did get an early glimpse of W. getting ready to hit the book tourin’ circuit: George says he misses the perks of the White House. Like Air Force One (“Rain Man fly airplane! Rain Man fly airplane!”)

Just imagine if you got the chance to interview the 43rd President of the United States, Forrest Gump.

And you don’t even have to work for Fox Fabricated News.

But since it’s being done on Facebook, the Bush people will be able to do background checks —- so you probably better be white and a Christian.

The person who submits the best five questions wins. There can only be five questions because W.’s attention span can barely keep up with that many.

Here are five questions that will surely not get you an interview with the former president:

1. “If I get to interview you, will you be able to answer me in complete sentences?”

2. “If Karl Rove was your brain, what body part was Cheney?”

3. “Is it true it took you seven minutes to react on 9-11 while at that pre-school classroom because you did dooty in your pants?”

4. “How does it feel writing a book before ever having finished reading one?”

5. “Did the same God who told you to run for president tell that witch in Delaware to run for Senate?” (Follow up question for extra credit: “If you had to do it all over again, would you have given up drinking?”)

     It’s up to historians to judge W.’s presidency. For now, it doesn’t look good. It’s not that Republicans like Deadeye Dick Cheney and his daugter Lizzy Borden Cheney aren’t trying the revisionist thing so they won’t look as sinister as they were.

If the crop of simpletons running for office as Republicans end up winning this election year, then W. will start looking like Winston Churchill to historians.

Just how does W. stack up to other presidents —- comparison-wise? Well…

1. W.’s daddy, former President George H.W. Bush, couldn’t fill Ronald Reagan’s shoes.

W. had to duck when an Iraqi threw shoes at him.

2. The greatest Republican president was Lincoln.

After a night of binge drinking in his former life, W. tossed his lunch in one of his buddy’s Lincoln.

3. FDR got America out of The Great Depression and was famous for saying “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”

W. ignored the economy and almost got us into another Great Depression, but stayed in power by convincing the public “We have nothing but fear.”

4. After serving as president, William Howard Taft was later appointed to the Supreme Court.

In  2000, the Supreme Court decided W. should be president.

5. President James Madison was known as the “Father of the Constitution.”

W., along with his surrogate daddy, Dick Cheney, abandoned the Constitution.

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