Halloweenies

        It’s no coincidence that Halloween is close to election day.

Politicians trick people into voting for them —– and when they get elected they treat themselves to every perk imaginable (and go back on their word to their constituents because they’ve been hypnotized by power.)

Ever since Sept. 11, Halloween has belonged to the Republican Party.

Republicans are wizards at scaring the bejesus out of the voting public.

Especially older people.

They scare Democrats, too. But then, Democrats are afraid of anything that goes bump in the night.

Republicans have succeeded at making House Speaker Nancy Pelosi scary by comparing her in animation to Cruella de Vil.

If Democrats were as nasty, they could’ve portrayed Carly Fiorina as frightening-looking enough to scare the sweat-pants off Jane Lynch’s character on “Glee.”

Note to trick or treaters: Do not go to Fiorina’s house looking for treats on Sunday. She outsourced all the Snickers bars and Kit-Kats to India.

There is something macabre about the GOP —- consider the fact they resurrect the dead bones of Ronald Reagan almost as much as Rudy Guiliani name-drops 9-11. One could see them in seances chanting “Speak to us, Oh Gipper!”

Fear is a sacrament with the Republican Party.

The Republican Party is Halloween for grown-ups.

And this election season they’ve added a new ingredient to their massive cauldron of fear in the form of tea baggers.

The most obvious Halloween-related candidate is Christine O’Donnell, Senate candidate from Delaware, who admitted she’s dabbled in witchcraft.

But she’s more harmless than scary. O’Donnell, who is not expected to win, would be the most fun to have in the Senate. Especially if she tried to convince the Senate to vote on a “National Day of Abstinence.”

If anything, O’Donnell never fails to entertain with her views of the world that are just plain goofey. She may be the only witch to ever hear God tell her to run for the Senate.

In Ohio, there’s GOP/Tea candidate Rich Iott who plays Nazi dress up for World War II “re-enactments.”

Nothing frightening here, unless he gets elected and wants Congress to pass a law that allows people to wear uniforms of “the other side” on Veterans Day.

Like a good little co-conspirator, the man who would be the next House Speaker, John “Bad Tan” Boehner, posed for pictures supporting the Nutzi Nazi dress-up king. Though neither were in WWII “re-enactment” garb.

Boehner is perfect for Halloween — his bad tan is orange and resembles a pumpkin.

Is he scary? Just listen to him when he speaks. Divert your gaze away from those eyes that dart around like a Dick Nixon zombie. Along with that 3-packs a day nicotine-laden voice, he probably scares dogs and little children.

But is he dangerous? You bet. Anybody that hungry for power is vindictive and will use his authority to drive Americans even farther apart. He’s easy to see through —- and that transparency could be best summed up from a horror film’s tag line: “Be afraid. Be very afraid.”

If you loved Dick Cheney, you’ll love Bad Tan. Hell, if you loved Dick Cheney, you’ve got serious issues with humanity in general.

Sharron Angle, the nitwit who will defeat Senate Majority Leader Harry “Droopy” Reid in Nevada, is not scary. But she talks a good game. They will keep her under lock and key in the Senate chambers like some she-wolf captured in the wilderness by illegal aliens trying to cross “the northern border” into Nevada.

What happens in Vegas, should stay in Vegas. Unfortunately for the rest of the country, Angle is the bad poker hand waiting to be played for all the marbles. Most of which she lost a long time ago.

The scariest of the tea baggers is Rand Paul, who will cruise to victory in Kentucky to claim a Senate seat. This guy doesn’t need to dress up like a Nazi, even for Halloween. He’s already got his Gestapo tactics in play —- and that’s even before people go to the polls. His goons aren’t above stepping on the head of a woman on the pavement because she tried to show der furher a protest sign.

Paul thought Quentin Tarantino’s “Inglourious Basterds” was a documentary.

Paul is from Kentucky. If that state didn’t have the Run for the Roses it would be just another Oklahoma.

This guy is both scary and dangerous. He almost makes Glenn Beck seem sane.

Speaking of clowns, these are your Fox Fabricated News candidates, America.

Come January when most of them are sworn in, it’s going to be Halloween every day of the year. Just wait for the scary things they’re going to scratch and claw over like feral cats in an alley.

It’s no trick how they’re going to get elected —- but it’s going to be a treat unmasking them on a daily basis for the abcess they really are.

It will be sweeter than candy.
      

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