George W. Bush is throwing out the first pitch Sunday at the start of Game 4 of the World Series that pits the Texas Rangers against the San Francisco Giants.
Hopefully, nobody will throw shoes at W.
Rumor also has it that someone thought it would be a bright idea if W. was accompanied to the mound on Sunday with “Miss You” by the Rolling Stones.
Luckily, officials at the Stadium put a cork in it and caught a prankster who was going to switch the tune and put in its place John Waite’s 1980s hit “I Ain’t Missing You at at All.”
The Beatles’ “Fool on the Hill” was also in the running.
The Texas team W. once owned and tried hard to destroy but couldn’t finally won a game in the Fall Classic.
Nancy Pelosi’s San Francisco treats have a 2-1 lead over W.’s and Texas’ other “America’s Team” going into Game 4.
The Rangers had to wait until they got back home for Game 3 before Jesus showed up and remembered he had to help the quit drinkin’-and got religion ex-president’s favorite baseball team, so slugger’s like Josh Hamilton can say “thank God and all his glory” for the Almighty liking Texas better than the S.F. team. (Hey, it worked against the Evil Empire in pinstripes from New York.)
Besides, Jesus wouldn’t be caught dead in San Francisco.
It looked that way for the first two games of the Series played in the beautiful City by the Bay. That’s where the great Tony Bennett sang “God Bless America” during the 7th-inning stretch and the Almighty didn’t smite anything.
And the bats that came to life for the G-Men had players with the names:
It’s a surprise these guys weren’t ordered to show proof of their papers when they showed up at the stadium in Arlington.
Apparently, W. gave the Rangers a pep talk before Game 3. Which is why they won, of course. W. is a winner and those who misunderestimated him lived to lose in the next election.
What could W. have said to psyche the team up? Who knows. It’s W., and he’s a regular Tony Robbins.
But here’s what he might have said if they were so lacking in self-esteem they could only see losing:
1. “If you don’t win Game 3, I’m going to invade another country and you guys are gonna be on the front lines armed with only slingshots!”
2. “Three words: Waterboarding!”
3. “Lose and you’re all traded to the Cubs.”
4. “Billy Graham didn’t talk to God so you turdblossoms could perform like Democrats in Tuesday’s elections.”
5. “You guys gotta win —- the ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner is just gathering dust in my attic.”