Forget about TGIF.
This week it’s more like TGIW. As in Thank God it’s Wednesday.
That would mean the midterm elections —– our long national nightmare —– will finally be over.
It will also signal the end to those annoying, insulting (to our intelligence) and negative political ads.
(Not to mention the cable news networks finally having to let go of their relentless overuse of the tired cliche “enthusiasm gap.”)
The prospect of watching the NFL this Sunday without TV ads featuring Jerry Brown slamming Meg Whitman or Carly Fiorina attacking Barbara Boxer is manna from heaven.
And women wonder why men can’t get to the remote fast enough.
Even then, as is sometimes the case, when you switch channels to the other game available, it’s also in a commercial break. And it’s another political ad from the other party than the one you just used the remote to avoid.
Study after study —- poll after poll —- indicate Americans say they’re turned off by negative political ads. Ya, and people don’t slow down to gawk at bad car crashes. Or, when there’s a poll that says the first thing men notice about women is their eyes. Right, if anything, we men say that because we want to make sure women don’t catch us looking somewhere else.
The purpose of political attack ads is not to say what you’re not really going to be able to do when you get to Washington, but to paint the other guy or gal as a worse choice to go to Washington and not being able to do what he or she promised.
All the cable news channels and all the cable news polls say President Obama can’t put his coalition back together again.
Not this election cycle anyway. Still, his die-hard media supporters look to make lemonade out of lemons. They suggest Obama will be better off if Democrats lose the House. Only then will he have a true antagonist. This will in turn put him in good stead for re-election in 2012. It worked for Reagan and Clinton, because the House has a lot of lawmakers and it looks like they’re ganging up on the president. So in 2012, Obama will be, what?, comparing himself to Gary Cooper’s character in “High Noon.”
Until then, all the media outlets expect the Democrats to be circling the wagons Tuesday, with no relief from the cavalry in sight. And if there was, it would be led by Custer.
About those midterms:
1. If Meg Whitman, who has spent more than $140 million of her personal fortune to be governor of California, loses on Tuesday, she will be the only Republican who will know the true meaning of “wasteful spending.”
2. Carly Fiorina, who has spent $5.5 million (or as Whitman calls it, cab fare) to unseat Sen. Barbara Boxer, missed a golden opportunity when debating the incumbent. She should have told Boxer to “Ma’am up.”
3. If Senate Majority Leader Harry “Droopy” Reid comes back and wins his Senate seat over Crazy Sharron Angle, the headline could say “Return of the Living Dead.” In fact, that same headline will be used for any incumbent Democrat who eeks out a victory.
4. Should the GOP take back control of the House and Republican John “Bad Orange Tan” Boehner becomes the new Speaker of the House, his nickname will be “The Great Pumpkin.”
5. And in Delaware, Christine “I’m not a witch. I’m you” O’Donnell has closed the gap against her Democratic opponent Chris Coons in the race for Joe Biden’s old Senate seat.
Can Sister Grizzly pull it off? OK, wrong choice of words in O’Donnell’s case. Her being the Angel of Abstinence and all.
Should she win, here are some song selections that could be played in the background at her victory speech:
1. “You Could Do Magic”
2. “I Put a Spell on You”
4. “Season of the Witch”
5. “Do You Believe in Magic”
Song Chris Coons can use (but won’t) in his victory speech:
“Ding, Dong the Witch is Dead”
Finally, the reason why Proposition 19, the Mary Jo Wanna measure, won’t pass in California: Those who really support it will be so stoned they’ll show up to vote on Wednesday.
Just like the Democrats, in a way, who won’t forget not to show up to vote Tuesday.
Good luck, America. You’re gonna need it.