The Fall Classic

     The Giants win the Series. The Giants win the Series.

The Major League Baseball team that plays for the heathen, godless, satanic city of San Francisco — Gomorrah of the Left Coast — beat the Texas Rangers, from that white evangelical Christian Lone Star State.

The Giants beat the Rangers in 5 games. Should’ve been a sweep, but George W. Bush gave the Texas team (which he once owned and tried like hell to destroy like he was invading a country for no apparent reason) a pep talk in the only game they won.

And the gay-lovin’ city of San Francisco saw its baseball team win on Fox! Well, Fox Sports.

Good thing Fox Fabricated News had a good night for themselves and their party Tuesday when the Republicans took back control of the House of Representatives. If that wouldn’t have happened, Fox probably would’ve started the rumor that the World Series win for the Giants wasn’t legitimate because Series MVP Edgar Renteria, who hit the deciding final game-winning 3-run homer, was in the country illegally.

After the first two wins by the new World Series champs in the City by the Bay, the Giants left their hearts in San Francisco, and the Rangers left their bats there when they came home to lose two out of three in their home park in Arlington.

Obvious headlines for the loser Texas Rangers:

1. Giant Collapse

2. Slumber Company

3. Rangers Gunned Down

4. Bush-whacked

5. Bum Steers

Top five excuses the Rangers could be giving as to why they lost to the Giants:
   1. They didn’t want the Dallas Cowboys to take sole credit as the only Texas sports team to choke big time.
   2. Upset that Tea Baggers wouldn’t win enough seats to take our country back.
   3. Now it can be told: the pep talk W. gave them actually made them misunderestimate the Giants.
   4. Couldn’t get the image out of their heads of seeing Yankees hurler C.C. Sabathia in the shower when Texas team went to New York’s clubhouse to give them the raspberries.
   5. Team from San Francisco naturally more adept at pitching and catching.

    After beating the Yankees in the American League Championship Series, Texas slugger Josh Hamilton (who did bupkiss in the Series) a born-again Christian because he got Jesus and turned his life around from drugs and alcohol, praised God and all his glory for giving his team the power to beat the Evil Empire.

As always, sports stars never praise Jesus or God when they lose. In fact, they don’t say much.

What would Jesus do?

Well, if he was on the mound for Texas instead of Cliff Lee he would have walked Renteria and pitched to the less-than-clutch player on deck.

 

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