Today’s the day. Get out there and buy yourself a copy of George W. Bush’s memoir “Decision Points.”
They’re selling like weapons of mass destruction in Iraq in 2002.
Help make it become Number One on the New York Times’ best-seller list so George can put up that “Mission Accomplished” banner again.
W. has been mum ever since leaving office. Now he’s getting more face time on TV than Lindsay Lohan checking in and out of rehab.
The ex-president is on his “No Apologies for Protecting America Tour” (and still none for being asleep at the switch when he should’ve been protecting America.)
First he went one-on-one with creepy Matt Lauer of “The Today Show” speechifying about what’s in the book.
No surprise that he didn’t think he made the wrong decision to invade Iraq, or that he put a lot of the blame for why we got into war on poor intelligence.
Of course, when you think of W. the first thing that comes readily to mind is poor intelligence.
Let’s face it, the title of his memoir was never going to be “Megamind.”
In the way too much information portion of the book, W. explained to Lauer how he got to be on the side of protecting the sanctity of life beginning at inception:
His mom, former first lady Barbara Bush, miscarried at home. She showed W., a teenager at the time, a jar containing the remains of the fetus.
W. said that the incident defintely affected him. “There was a human life, a little brother or sister,” W. says in the book.
That certainly explains the drinking problem he had for years.
W. came close to showing remorse for the way his administration dropped the ball on Hurricane Katrina. He even said it looked bad when the photo op showed him peeking out the window from Air Force One looking down at the catastrophe.
But just when you thought W. was on the verge of redemption, the ex-prez had a 25-minute interview with a fawning Rush to Judgment. Turns out the two are golf buddies.
Limbaugh tossed so many softball questions at the ex-prez, he made Fox Fabricated News Foxholes look like the Spanish Inquisition.
It’s a good thing for W. that Rush was smoking his big fat cigar, because the talk radio kingfish had another place where he could blow some smoke.
How will W. be remembered by historians? He doesn’t seem to care. His logic: “I’ll be dead.”
Wonder if Herbert Hoover, Warren G. Harding and Millard Fillmore felt the same way.
Young people who may become future historians are into graphic novels now.
So maybe Bush, Cheney and their Patriot Act brethern will be viewed as superheroes. But with a twist:
Presenting the Bush Administration as “The Obstruction of Justice League”:
1. George W. Bush as Stuporman —- dumber than a door knob, more misunderestimated than any decider before him, able to duck shoes tossed at him by Iraqis in a swift move right of center.
2. Dick Cheney as Ratman: The Dark Knight is a metrosexual compared to this guy. He works out of an undisclosed rat hole and commissions his rodents to round up suspected homegrown terrorists whenever the rat signal shines in the sky from the Halliburton building (formerly known as the Pentagon.)
3. Condi Rice as Blunderwoman: Not only does she fly in an invisible airplane, she ignores warnings in presidential briefings like “Bin Laden determined to attack the U.S.” as if they were written in invisible ink.
4. And joining the Obstruction of Justice League for this revision of history is Karl Rove as Captain America (for Sale): Watch this great American turdblossom run the U.S. Chamber of Commerce with an iron fist and outsource good American jobs to foreign countries in return for cash to get his “kind” elected.
You can buy the book or you can wait for the mockumentary directed by Michael Moore. Sure it will be fact based on fiction, but it should have a tag line that says something like: God told him to run, not run the country into the ground.